Coming out embraces family values

A small child is frightened at night and a loving parent hugs and comforts them through the thunderstorm. A teenager struggles in high school, and a parent provides a tutor and the encouragement to make it feel possible to succeed. An elderly parent falls ill and a loving daughter or son sits next to their hospital bed.
LGBT family members do these extraordinary, ordinary things every day. They are daughters, fathers, grandmothers and uncles and they participate in the daily lives of their relatives, both the ones to which they were born and the ones they have chosen.
There are some people who believe that because someone is LGBT they are somehow incapable of shouldering the responsibilities and privileges that come with family life. Like the legislators in Georgia who are considering a bill that would ban LGBT people from being foster parents or the Catholic Church which is trying to purge itself of all gay seminarians, these confused people think that because we are capable of loving someone else of the same sex, that somehow makes us incapable of loving our parents, our children, our extended families and our friends.
There are so many children in the world who need someone who will love and support them. There are so many Catholic parishes that are forced to priest-share due to a lack of sanctified personnel. We would think people who wanted to love a child or tend to a congregation would be welcomed. But a debilitating fear of LGBT people cripples some people, making them incapable of understanding us as full, loving people.
This is not our fault, but we can do something about curing the fear. We can come out. We can let people know who we are, who we love and how we embrace our family roles. It is our responsibility to let the doctors and nurses know that we are there with our parents, and that the person consoling a grieving son is not just his roommate. It is our responsibility to let the teachers and school administers know that our children have two loving parents, even if the law doesn't recognize the parental rights of the non-biological same-sex parent.
It is our responsibility to speak out about our lives and our families. We already know that the best way to gain acceptance is to come out. The more straight people understand that we are everywhere and part of every family, the more they will understand that being LGBT is just part of who we are, not all of who we are. We are more complete, and more involved than that.
That's not to say, of course, that all LGBT people make terrific, loving family members. It takes a lot of strength, courage and patience to be a reliable parent, a trustworthy daughter and a responsible foster parent. Whether someone is straight, gay, bi, trans, lesbian or none of the above, it is the quality of the heart that makes the difference, not the attractional orientation.
October is national Coming Out Month, and we encourage LGBT people to come out, not only as LGBT people but as whole people who exist within a family life – just like everyone else. It may be surprising to the people around us, and we may in fact surprise ourselves at how good it feels to claim one's place at the family table.