Once upon a time there was a lesbian gym teacher (shocking, I know). More specifically, that time was the early 1970s and that gym teacher was Linda Wall, who is now an Independent candidate running for state office in Virginia.
Mind you, Wall’s not gay any more. She’s traded in her lesbianism for Jesus and she is out and proud about it.
“I’ve never tried to hide that I was in homosexuality. If anybody Googles me, they would find that out there,” Wall said.
“When I went away to Longwood College, I allowed liberal professors to destroy my Judeo-Christian upbringing,” she writes on her campaign website. “I guess one could say I became the ‘prodigal daughter.’ But when my rebellious years came to a close, I knew it was the Lord that I needed.”
Ah, yes. The old “liberal professors made me gay” line. College is tricky like that.
Mind you, Wall’s “rebellious years” didn’t come to a close at graduation, if by “rebellious” she means “gay.” Apparently she sowed her wild oats with one of her students in a whirlwind scandalous gym teacher/gym student romance.
Oh, and did I mention she taught junior high? Meaning this was one of her junior high students. Meaning no, no, no, bad.
It’s the kind of revelation that would jettison most candidates’ prospects of ever being elected, and could, indeed, turn out to be the end of her candidacy. And yet she seems remarkably nonchalant about the whole thing.
“Forty years ago, I was a different person,” Wall told the Associated Press. “I was a heavy pot smoker with … impaired judgment and made some bad choices. You do that out of college sometimes. Some people do, some people don’t.”
Got that? While in college the liberal professors made her gay. And right out of college marijuana made her stay that way, or at least it “impaired” her judgment allowing her to continue to choose being a lesbian child predator.
Look, I would just like to make clear here that the kind of “bad choices” people make while smoking pot include eating an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in one sitting, or watching the Home Shopping Network for hours straight and cracking up every time there’s a close up of a pair of disembodied hands with manicured nails caressing the merchandise. Seeking out a little girl to statutorily rape is kind of worse than a “bad choice.” It’s, like, one of the worst ones.
But look, Wall doesn’t want to live in the past – and not just because there’s no statute of limitations on felonies in Virginia. Wall wants to look foward – and win! – the future. And that means pushing hard against the gay past with an anti-gay present.
On Wall’s campaign website she touts her anti-gay political history. She brags that she testified at House of Delegates committee hearings “in favor of family friendly legislation and opposed legislation detrimental to traditional values.” Granted, that’s not especially specific, but the terms “family-friendly” and “traditional values” are code for “anti-gay.”
Wall also spent years on an anti-gay Marriage Amendment to the Virginia Constitution. “For two years, I worked with groups in the state to help pass the Marriage Amendment to the Constitution of Virginia defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman,” she writes “I will defend that amendment and oppose any legislation that attempts to create or recognize any other union, partnership, or legal status to which is assigned the rights or benefits of marriage.”
“For two years, I worked with groups in the state to help pass the Marriage Amendment to the Constitution of Virginia defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman,” she writes. “I will defend that amendment and oppose any legislation that attempts to create or recognize any other union, partnership, or legal status to which is assigned the rights or benefits of marriage.”
Ain’t no homo couple gonna get treated with any respect in these parts. And if there’s one thing Wall’s an expert in it’s in healthy, normal relationships based on love and trust and mutual respect and Jesus. So don’t worry anti-gay marriage foes. Linda “ex-gay statutory rapist” Wall has got your back. Y’all have the best friends.