No longer content cornering the market on low-cost, high sodium, low-nutrition convenience foods masquerading as what your mother would have made for dinner had she actually loved you, Campbell's is waving a new flag. And that flag says, "Mmm, Mmm Gay."
That's right. According to the American Family Association, that's the new slogan of the canned soup conglomerate. Or might as well be.
You see, Campbell's placed a few ads in The Advocate for their Swanson line of broth. The December 2008 issue and the January 2009 issue both feature full-page ads of smiling homosexuals using Swanson's products in their holiday food prep.
Naturally, the AFA is furious. And who can blame them. It's disgusting, really. I mean, I can't believe gays really eat that stuff. Then again, economic times are hard right now…
The AFA sent out an Action Alert urging members to e-mail Campbell's President Douglas R. Conant.
Their sample letter reads: "I am disappointed that Campbell's Soup has decided to help promote the homosexual agenda and same-sex marriage. Your decision to support the homosexual agenda and same-sex marriage is unacceptable. I will alert my family and friends about your decision. Campbell's Soup will no longer have an image of a clean and wholesome, All-American company. Now it will be known as the company which believes homosexual practice and same-sex marriage are good for our country."
Upon reading this I thought, "Really, AFA? How bad could these ads be?"
Then I saw them. And I have to admit, they're pretty racy. Scandalous, even.
One of the ads, for Swanson Chicken Stock, features Christopher Lee, the executive chef at some swanky New York City restaurant. Lee stands before a glistening cooked turkey and holds a big, hard carving knife in his hand at waist level. He's ready to "carve some meat," if you know what I mean. The text is practically pornographic: "Chef Lee loves the rich, meaty flavor of new Swanson stock to keep his meat dishes juicy and enhance their natural flavors. At home, he uses nothing else."
Ew. Just ew. To the people at Swanson's: We don't need to know what Lee does at home. That's his business.
Another ad features Chef Lea Forant, her partner Carolyn and their son Eli. With the help of Swanson's broth, these two women are clearly trying to make little Eli into a flaming homosexual. Not only that, but the ad contains the recipe for Butternut Squash Bisque with Roasted Garlic and Fresh Sage, which has to be the gayest sounding dish ever.
Yet another ad features a smiling Chef Wil Crutchley. Like Chef Lee, Crutchley is wielding a big, phallic knife as he shows off his rack of lamb. Not only that, but there's a picture of a bottle of champagne and two full glasses, clearly indicating that Crutchley plans to get drunk and take advantage of "his close circle of friends" he's preparing dinner for. The text urges you to invite "your friends and family over this New Year's Eve for this Rosemary Rack of Lamb made with Swanson Stock, straight from Wil's kitchen to yours."
Get it? "Straight" from his kitchen to yours? Clearly this add is mocking the heterosexual people Crutchley is planning on making gay with his voodoo lamb and roofies-laced champagne.
Thank you, AFA, for bringing this important matter to the attention of the righteous.
Creep of the Week: The American Family Association
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