Cupid ain’t stupid: Valentine’s gifts that’ll getcha some

By |2009-02-05T09:00:00-05:00February 5th, 2009|Guides|
Heart On

Love him tender, love him true with seductive new selections from Ginch Gonch. The 2009 Valentine’s collection is comprised of three pumped-up picks, available in a trio of colors and cuts guaranteed to have your hot spots overheating. Each daring design features glitter accents for added glam around his yam, and come packaged with naughty names like “Heart as a Rock” (white), “Frosted Fakes” (black) and “Razzle-Dazzle” (red). It’s as if the warden threw a party in the county jail. ($27-$32;

Ring Leader

Whether you make sweet love or hump like rabid hares, the LifeStyles Vibrating Ring is sure to tickle your pickle. Designed to enhance stimulation and provide pulsating ecstasy through soft vibrating studs, this pliable silicone device maximizes comfort while delivering pleasure of Pompeian proportions. Each multi-use V-Ring is condom compatible and lasts for up to 20 minutes of elevated action, giving you the most bang for your fuck – er, buck. ($7.95)

Love Blossoms

Nothing embodies eternal love quite like wilted wildflowers. Enter Ovando, whose Sweetheart Arrangement will literally last a lifetime. Available in red, pink or white carnations or roses, this decorative keepsake enables you to profess your undying devotion without saying a word. After Potion No. 9 has lost it potency – and it will – just lay the bouquet flat and allow to dry. Once dehydrated, the encasement can be hung anywhere as a reminder that though amour may wither, it doesn’t have to die. ($175-$225;

Eau de Gaultier

At whit’s end on how to satisfy your hard-to-please label whore? Evian’s Pret-a-porter Bottle by Jean-Paul Gaultier may be the ultra-luxe ticket. Evian Natural Spring Water has partnered with the cutting-edge French designer to create a limited edition bottle for the fashionista who has it all but wouldn’t mind a little more. Tres chic! And voulez-vous coucher avec moi. ($13.95;

Undercover Lover

If the economic crisis has your love locked in, consider spicing up your current surroundings for a night of planned passion. A fiscally responsible alternative to purchasing new furniture or reupholstering the old, the Stretch Pique Slipcover from Sure Fit comes in soft, seductive colors like garnet and chocolate, and transforms worn fabric into an inviting makeshift make-out center. The sensual surface is so soft and cozy you might not make it upstairs. But don’t fret – it’s washable. ($110;

About the Author:

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.