By Jody Valley
Crazy life isn’t fair
Q: Jody, I just don’t know what to do or where to turn. Life just isn’t fair and I just want to scream. Everything has been going wrong for me this last year and I don’t know what to do to get myself out of this hole and be able to start living again. Here I go to try to explain everything. I will try to be brief. I left my husband for a woman a year ago last May. This was a difficult decision because I have two small children.
Any way, I thought my life would start being good because, at last, I would be living the truth, instead of trying to be something I am not. Since then, I had a car accident and I lost my license because I had a little bit too much to drink. Losing my license made me lose my job because I couldn’t drive any more. I haven’t been able to find work, so I lost my apartment.
My girlfriend left me because she said my life was too crazy. (She is the reason I left my marriage). Now, my doctor says I have high blood pressure and I need to lose weight, exercise more, and calm down. The last straw is that the courts awarded my husband custody of the children because he had money for a good lawyer.
So as you can see, I have nothing going for me and I wonder if life is even worth living. How do I stop this downward spiral, get my life back together, and my children back? (I don’t want to go on living without my children.)
A: I would like to tell you to call your local community mental health center, but unfortunately, one has to be actively psychotic anymore to get into most community mental health facilities, and I realize that you have no money for a private counselor. If you live in an area that has an LGBT community center, you could see if there are any support groups. Do you have any family or friends that will help support you? You might benefit from some antidepressants to help you over get through this difficult time. You can ask you family doctor about this kind of medication. Having said all that, you need to get your life back, and only you can do that. Make a list of the things that need to change to turn things around, then prioritize them and develop a plan of action.
P.S.: I know that exercise is hard when you feel down, but it is great for stress, depression and high blood pressure. Don’t give up; your children need their mom more than ever.
Hiding your beauty
Q: I have artificial boobs. That’s right, I had breast implants when I was 18, just out of high school. Well now I am in my 40’s and my breast still look like I am 18, and I am embarrassed. They are huge and don’t look at all natural. I did this before I came to terms with my identity as a lesbian. I wanted to be sexy and have all the men looking at me. I know that sounds stupid and shallow now, but that is the way I felt at 18. I didn’t fit in with either the men or the women, and I thought it was because I was not pretty enough. It’s embarrassing for me to even say this to you because it sounds so dumb. Now, I wear large shirts and tend to slump so people can’t see my breasts. I stay away from all water activities so I don’t have to wear a suit. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without clothes on because I find my body so disgusting.
My problem is that I recently met a woman that I would like to date. For about 15 years, I haven’t dated because of this problem. I am very attracted to this woman and she has asked me out 2 times, but I keep turning her down because I don’t know how she will react when I tell her and, quite frankly, I break out in a sweat when I think of her finding out about me. What do you think I can do? I don’t want to live the rest of my life without a woman.
A: Make an appointment with your doctor to find out what it would cost to remove the implants and what the results would be. Believe me, you are not the first person who made a decision at age 18 and wishes she could change that decision. It’s just yours is more visible. If this woman is someone you want to date, don’t wait until you have all this resolved, take a chance and go out and have fun. When you feel you know her well enough to trust her, tell her what you have told me. If she is the woman for you, she will accept you and support what you are going through.