By Jody Valley
Comb-over blues
Q: My man, "George," is bald. We have been together for twenty years and he has been balding. As time has marched on, hair has fallen off. When he first started to go bald, he worked to cover it up with the way he combed his hair. I didn't mind that, as it looked natural enough. However, as he has gotten balder, he's had to become more extreme in his cover-up job. Like now, he starts his part so low on the right side of his head, then brings those extremely long hairs and drapes them over the dome and back down to the left side of his head. (I'm looking at him right now as I describe this "do" – it's not pretty, believe me!)
I've talked to George about this, letting him know that I think it is time to get a new look, either by hair transplant, shaving his head or just getting rid of the long hair by cutting all his hair short. Anything would be better!
I'm getting nowhere with my trying to make him not look like a fool! I love him, but he's no longer turning me on, and I've told him so. How can I get him to look like something I would not mind being in public with?
Sex Drive, On Hold
P.S.: By the way, he has a great shaped head and I think he would look really hot that way. I haven't told him that, but it's true.
A: The tone of your letter leads me to believe that you have approached this in a pretty negative way. It would have been better had you started by telling him how sexy he would look with his head shaved and what a turn on that would be to you; instead of your focusing on how bad his hair looks now. Why haven't you even told him that? You've just told thousands of readers, but you couldn't have told him?
I don't know if you can change things around, now, but you could try by dropping the issue for now. At some future time, when the topic has cooled, try the more positive approach.
Healthy is hot
Q: I am in my late 60s and have met a beautiful, wonderful woman; she is also in her 60s. We have both had long-term relationships in the past, with both of us experiencing death of our partners. We have been seeing each other now for over a year. I love everything about "Jenny" except for one pretty important thing: her lack of taking care of herself. She doesn't eat well or get very much exercise.
Jody, I've lost a mate to cancer once, I don't want to go through that kind of pain again. That's the only thing that keeps me from wanting to make a commitment to Jenny. I haven't told her this, but it is how I feel. I have brought up to Jenny how important good health habits are to me, but she then talks about how her partner, who died, took very good care of herself, but that didn't help her since she died anyway. So, Jenny has decided to live the way she wants, not worrying about her bad health habits.
I'm having a hard time figuring out a way to counteract that argument. I sure wish I knew what to say to her. My ex partner took care of herself as well and died, anyway. But somehow, that doesn't make me want to change my good health habits into bad ones.
How do I get her to change on this topic since we both have examples of how living a good lifestyle can let you down? And, frankly, I just don't want to commit to someone who doesn't at least try.
Running Uphill
A: Indeed, being healthy is no guarantee of long life, or even good health; but I think that no one – who is not trying to delude herself – would argue that taking care of yourself doesn't give most of us a better chance at a healthy and active lifestyle, if not a longer one. That is what I would say to Jenny, and let her know how important that is to you. If that doesn't change her, then the ball is back in your court regarding this relationship. You will have to weigh how much importance to give this issue, given all the other wonderful characteristics and good qualities Jenny brings into your life.
