Advertisement

Dear Jody

By Jody Valley

All work and no play

Q: I am just starting my own business. It is in its first year and I am doing OK. I know that it takes from 3 to 5 years to start making a profit, and that you need to work extremely hard to make a new business successful. I usually work 60 to 80 hours a week right now; I have no life, but it is what I expected. Before I started up the up the business, my girlfriend and I discussed it at great length. She encouraged me to follow my dream of owning my own business. We discussed the long hours and the fact that she would be supporting us for the most part until the business took off. She agreed to supporting me financially and in all other ways. Believe me, I didn't proceed with this without getting her totally support.
Well, now she has changed her tune and is mad that I am seldom home or when I am home, I am working and she is tired of being the one to bring home all of the money. I am tired of her complaining. We agreed to this and she said she was willing, but now she has changed her mind. I don't know what to do as I can't just stop working so hard, and all the money goes back into the business. How do I make her understand that she is not being fair? After all, we agreed before hand and we both understood what it would be like.
Following My Dreams & Hitting a Rut

A: Sometimes when a person agrees with a plan, later that person finds the reality is much different than what s/he thought it would be. It sounds like this is what has happened with your girlfriend. In theory — and in good faith — she agreed to be the money maker and understood you would be working long hours, but when reality hit — having to live it daily — she is now having second thoughts.
First of all I would find out what she does want or could live with. For example: Does she want you to close the business down, work fewer hours, start paying some of the monthly expenses? If you can't give her what she wants right now, give her a projection of when it would likely happen. Look at a time line for the business and discuss how you can gradually start putting in fewer hours and paying more of the expenses. If you are not already, let her know consistently how the business is going. Find out if there are other areas in your lives that you could meet her needs until the time comes that you can give her more time and money. Make sure you are setting time aside each week for just the two of you, and that she realizes how important your relationship is to you.

Coming out works

Q: I just wanted to let everyone know that coming out does work, at least it did for me. I recently came out to my two daughters, ages 22 and 25. Their mother and I divorced when they were teenagers because I am gay. We didn't tell the girls why we divorced because we felt that they couldn't handle it at such a young age. That made it difficult, if not impossible, for me to be the kind of father I wanted to be because I couldn't really let them into my life. I couldn't tell them who I was or what I was really doing. Relationships based on lies are never healthy. When I told them they said they knew and had talked about it to each other for years and they didn't bring it up to me because they thought I didn't want to talk about it. Now we are so much closer. I share my life and friends with them. We are even planning to march in the gay pride parade as a family this year. So all you out there thinking about coming out to your family, it could be the best thing you ever do.
Proud Father

A: Congratulations! I'm happy for you and your daughters and thank you for the testimonial. We can always use happy endings.

Have a problem? Send your letters to: "Dear Jody," C/O Between The Lines, 20793 Farmington Road, Suite 25, Farmington, MI 48336. Or, e-mail: [email protected]

(Jody Valley spent 12 years as a clinical social worker. She worked with the LGBT community both as a counselor and a workshop leader in the areas of coming out, self-esteem and relationship issues. The "Dear Jody" column appears weekly.)

Advertisement
Topics: Opinions
Advertisement
Advertisement