By Jody Valley
Please, no sex toys
Last Christmas my boyfriend “Kevin” gave me sex toys and outfits for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, they have been well used. However, it really seems to me that, at least, the sex outfits were for Kevin as he was the one that got turned on by them. (It’s not that I asked for anything special and he didn’t get it for me, it’s just that I wish he had gotten me something else.) I mean, I got the benefit of his turned on state, but still, I’m not sure that I appreciate these kinds of presents for Christmas. It seems to me that the present should be something that I would really like, something only for my pleasure.
Jody, I don’t want to insult or hurt Kevin. I love him dearly and he is a great guy in so many ways, but how do I keep him from getting me more sex toys and clothes this Christmas. Yesterday, he seemed to be hinting that maybe our sex outfits and toys could use some updating, so you can see why I’m concerned. Help!?
No New Sex Toys or Outfits
A: You could start by asking him what he would like for Christmas and then letting him know what you would appreciate getting. Somewhere in the conversation, you could let him know that you agree with him about the need for new sex clothes and toys and suggest that Valentine’s Day would seem like a perfect time for such an updating.
Loving a thief
Q: I just found out something about my boyfriend “Danny” that has floored me. We went Christmas shopping; it was the first time I have ever shopped with him. We were in this store and Danny was looking at something and saying that he really loved it. I didn’t think much about it and moved on to some other things that were of interest to me for people on my shopping list. I found a present for my mother and went up to the checkout stand and paid for my present. I looked around and Danny was still in the area that I had left him. I yelled to him to see if he was ready to go, and he came and we left the store.
A little bit later when we stopped in at a restaurant to grab some lunch, Danny showed me the item that he had been looking at in that store. I knew that he hadn’t gone up to the checkout and paid for it. And besides, it wasn’t in that store’s sack, but a sack of another store. So, I asked him if he had paid for that, that I didn’t see him do it. He then said that he had paid for it, but I just hadn’t seen him do it. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes when he said that and his face looked guilty to me, but I let it go.
When we got back to my apartment, I asked him how much the item that he supposedly paid for cost. He said that he didn’t remember. So, I took that opportunity to check in the sack. He had other sales slips in his bag, but none for that item. By this time, Danny seemed to realize that I was on to him and he finally confessed that he had shoplifted it. I asked him how often he did this sort of thing. That’s when he got really defensive and mad at me for interfering in his life and then he stomped out of my apartment. I haven’t seen or heard from him since; that was three days ago. I haven’t called him.
I just don’t know what to do next. Danny and I have been exclusive for about five months. I thought that I loved him, but now I just don’t know. I don’t want a thief for a boyfriend. Where do I go from here? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Wanting An Explanation
A: I think the ball is in Danny’s court. I’d wait for his call. Then, I’d see if he is willing to look at his behavior and get counseling for it, then go from there. If he doesn’t call, I’d pretty much have my answer. I realize that that sounds fast and easy, but I know it’s a painful situation for you. However, to ignore or condone his behavior will just prolong your pain into the future, and you’ll not be doing Danny any favors.