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Caught him cheating
Q: About a month ago I was out at a bar with a group of friends. I saw a guy I know pretty well, “Jim,” at the bar and was just about to make my way through the crowd to talk with him when I noticed he was with another man. Jim was kissing this person and basically had his hands all over him. As I was trying to decide if I should go over to where they were, they left, and I went back to my friends. I didn’t tell anyone what I saw.
Jim is in a long-term, monogamous relationship (or should I say, is supposed to be) with “Larry,” who is my best friend. Larry is out of town for the week, so I guess Jim knew Larry wouldn’t catch him. I haven’t said anything to Larry because I just don’t know if I should. I have seen what happens to the messenger when he brings this kind of news to someone. But I also know from experience what it feels like when you are being cheated on, and you are the last person to know. Now I am very uncomfortable with Larry because I am not telling him the truth.
The other thing is: I wonder if Jim really wanted to be caught because there aren’t that many gay bars in town; it’s not that unlikely that someone who knows the two of them might see him with this other guy. What do you think, should I tell Larry or keep the secret?
A: You have been there, so what would you want your best friend to do? I know it can be really tricky to tell someone this news and not damage the friendship, but if Larry found out you knew and didn’t tell him, it could do real damage to your relationship as well. So, one thing you might do is: Tell Larry what you saw and that you didn’t want him to go through what you had when you were the last person to know. Let him know how much you value your friendship with him, and then support him through this difficult time, no matter how he chooses to handle this information. The other thing you could do: Go to Jim first and tell him what you saw, and ask him if he wants to tell Larry or if he wants you to tell him. Hopefully, Jim will do it himself knowing that it would be better if he did it. But if he doesn’t, you could go back to your plan of telling him.
Should I get inked?
Q: I love tattoos but I don’t have one yet. I think what I want is the symbol of the Lambda on my arm. I am afraid to get one because if I don’t like it later in life, it would be so hard and expensive to remove. But I feel I am denying myself something that I really want. I am studying to be a teacher and I don’t know if having tattoos showing would be a problem. My friends, who all have tattoos, say that I should just go for it as tattoos are accepted today, just like pierced ears. What do you think?
To Tattoo or Not
A: Certainly tattoos are not viewed in the negative way that they have been in the past, and in fact, are pretty popular and very common. However, you are wise to be thinking about how a tattoo could possibly affect your future as far as being hired. As far as being an educator, it could be dicey. But, it would really depend on who is doing the hiring, the kind and nature of the tattoo you have, and just how visible it was. Tattoos are permanent so I would make sure I have no doubts before getting one.
There is another option that might be of help: Looking on the Internet I saw lots of places where you can get temporary tattoos. I don’t know how these would look, but it might be a way to express yourself and not affect your job prospects.
Also, there is information about a permanent-yet-removable ink tattoo that will stay in the skin for good, but can be zapped away with one laser treatment; this won’t be available until the fall.