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Dear Jody

By | 2008-03-20T09:00:00-04:00 March 20th, 2008|Uncategorized|
No public phone sex!

Q: First of all, I want you to know that I have a wonderful boyfriend. I’ll call him “Timothy.” For the most part he is pretty near perfect. The only problem is he loves phone sex. Now I don’t mind phone sex; in fact, I find it a great turn on. The problem is that he isn’t discrete when and where he calls me. We both have cell phones, and he will call at all times whether I am working, out with friends, with my family, or whatever. He gets upset if I don’t respond to his advances, but sometimes it is just not a good time. He says that I can just listen, but then I get a boner and a funny look on my face. (People have actually asked me if everything is OK.) For sure, I can tell that those around me know something is going on. Now, Timothy says this is one of the things that turns him on, since he thinks others might have an idea of what is happening.
Now because of this, I just don’t answer his phone call if I am not alone, or if I don’t have much time, or I’m not in the mood. Timothy says this upsets him because sometimes he just needs to talk, and now he can’t get a hold of me. Neither of us wants to give up phone sex, but we need to find a way to meet both of our needs. Any suggestions?
Wireless Sex

A: I guess I not sure why Timothy still makes the phone sex calls when he knows it is upsetting to you because of your possibly-compromising situations. I understand and agree that this certainly wouldn’t be appropriate at work, and wouldn’t enhance your career if you supervisors knew this was going on. As to your family and friends, it is simply disrespectful. How about you come up with some guidelines as to when it is OK with you. Let Timothy know exactly when he can – and can’t – call for phone sex. If the time isn’t clear or in question, you both could come up with a text code, then he could text you before the phone sex call, and you could text him back if it’s an OK time for it.

More than a massage?

Q: First, let me tell you that I’m not a prude. As a matter of fact, I’ve gotten involved with women with no more than a look from across the crowded floor. But, my experience getting a massage was more than I could take. I went in for a massage because I was having terrible back pain. The massage therapist that I usually use was out of town, so I was given a new person who works in the same group that my massage therapist does. After the massage, I got dressed and she came in to ask how I was doing. We talked about my work and, then, all of a sudden she seemed to be coming on to me. She asked me if she might come by and see me at my work place. I was stunned, so I mumbled that it would be OK and got out of there as soon as possible. I felt so vulnerable after just lying there nude with her hands all over me.
I am afraid she saw it as a sexual thing, not just a massage. I don’t know if I am over reacting or if she is out of line. What should I do? I don’t want to see her again, and I am afraid she will show up at my work.
Naked and Vulnerable

A: You will probably never know what was going with her, but you know how you felt afterwards. I would suggest that you give her a call and let her know how her behavior felt to you. She needs to have this information, even if her wanting to see you is entirely innocent. She needs to realize how it came off to you. If you don’t feel like she responds with understanding of what that experience was for you, you might want to contact the group she works for and let them deal with it.

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BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 27th anniversary.