Cancer was punishment?
Q: About eight months ago, I tested positive for cancer. After a hysterectomy and chemotherapy I seem to be recovering nicely. My partner and most of my family have been very nurturing and supportive to me; however, I cannot say the same for my sister.
When I was in the hospital and my partner (who hasn’t spoken to my sister in years) was at work, my sister would visit me, read aloud from the Bible, and often insinuate that my illness was some sort of divine retribution for my “lifestyle.” I felt too sick and weak then to tell her or take a hike. To say that she was kicking me when I was down would be too much of an understatement. I haven’t spoken to her since.
My sister (knowing I have caller ID) phoned me from my mother’s once, but I hung up. My mother told me that my sister wanted to express her sincere apologies. I am just not ready to forgive her. Am I petty?
A: I sure understand your anger with your sister. What a slimy, nasty thing to do. But, back to forgiving her: My forgiving someone is more about me than the other person. In other words, it’s a letting go of my anger at that person so I can move on in my life; so I don’t eat myself up with anger and spoil my life. It doesn’t mean that I want to be around this person much, or even ever again. It just means I’m not going to let that person have the power to have negative effects on me.
Regarding your sister and your situation specifically: If she wants to apologize, she’ll make more than one attempt at doing it. But just as your forgiving her is not for her sake, her apologizing is not really for your sake, but for the cleansing of her own soul. If she gives a sincere apology, she’ll come out a better person; if not, she really hasn’t changed anything about herself.
If she doesn’t apologize or gives an insincere one showing no understanding, I would make the decision to only be around her in the context of important family gatherings. I would want to minimize my exposure to her negative energy. On the other hand, if she does apologize and it sounds like a sincere understanding of what she did, then I’d be more likely to be part of her life again.
She did a very offensive thing and it takes time to deal with that. No matter what you decide to do about it, make it be on your time table – when you are ready.
No one cares about cat
Q: Recently my beloved cat “Morty” died. My dear cat meant a lot to me. He supported me through a hard time in my life and has always been a comfort in my life. Every day when I came home from work, Morty was there to greet me; he was like a dog that way. When I lay on the sofa, he sat on top, over me, and rubbed my head with his paw. At night, he laid next to me and kept me warm.
I know this may all sound silly to people who don’t have animals, but that is the way it is for me. My problem now is that Morty died two weeks ago. As you might imagine, it was devastating for me. I felt like I lost my best friend. Believe me, I have other friends, but Morty was so special. Anyway, I told all my friends that Morty died by way of e-mail. They knew how I felt about him, but not one person returned my email with words of condolences, or sent me a card, or phoned me. Why do you suppose people don’t get it that Morty’s death was like that of a lost friend to me?
Lost Feline Love
A: I guess that they haven’t had the experience of loving a pet as you have. Many of us, myself included, whose pets are very much a part of our family understand what you are going through. Hopefully, your letter will enlighten those who don’t or never have had pets, or their pets don’t mean the same as they do to you. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I do understand your feelings. Take care of yourself.