Dear Jody

Saying bye-bye to friend’s photos

Q: We (my partner and I) have this friend, “Jon,” who is an armature photographer. Every occasion, like birthdays, Christmas, etc., he gives one of his photographs, like a wall-hanging size. He has given us these now for seven years or so. You can imagine that our walls are flooded with his work. Now don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty good and I like most of his stuff – though many pictures I wouldn’t have necessarily picked out for our house. Because there are so many different kinds of pictures and different subject matter and frames, it feels like our house is a hodge-podge decorating style – along with our mismatched furniture, if you can even use the word, “style.”
So, my dilemma is this: My partner and I want to redo our house, paint, buy new furniture, and redo our kitchen and one bath; pretty much the works. We want to create a modern style. We are very excited about this as we got some inheritance money and that’s why we can do this big project now. You may be getting the picture now what my question is to you. How do we not put back up all of Jon’s pictures without hurting his feelings? He is a great guy and we don’t want to lose his friendship.

Needing a Style of our Own

A: Well, actually, you have created a perfect situation for not having his pictures up, and one that will make sense to him. I would just tell him when the time comes that you are doing a house makeover and bringing in all new stuff that will fit your new decorating theme – with this money you inherited, like you have told me. One thing you might do is see if any of his pictures fit your new style – even if they need to be reframed to fit in; and if so, make a place for them and let him know that that is what you are doing. I would also, during this time, make it clear that you have no more wall space for anything else, then get busy filling it with you’re own taste. You might want to ask him if he would like the pictures that you can’t use back so someone else can enjoy them as you have. A good friend would understand this and not base his relationship on whether you have his pictures up on your walls.

Fake-and-bake: Bad?

Q: My girlfriend and I have been fighting over the stupidest thing, but it doesn’t stop us just because it is stupid. Our problem is that she is upset with me just because I go to a tanning bed. Personally, I think these are better than hanging in the sun all day. I surely know that I will quit doing it when I am 30, and I have told her that. I could stop if I wanted to, but I just want a few more years of a beautiful bronze body.
What has made our situation worse is that I recently had some moles that my doctor said were suspicious. He took them out and all is well now. He told me that I should avoid the sun, but he didn’t specifically say tanning beds. My girlfriend asked if I actually asked him about tanning beds. Well, I didn’t, but that was because he said I needed to avoid the sun, he didn’t specifically say tanning beds. I think that if he meant tanning beds, he would have said that, don’t you? I told my girlfriend that I would stop if you said I should.

Bronze and Beautiful

A: I think you are doing all you can not to face the fact that you are playing with fire, or in this case, the sun. You don’t want to hear that tanning beds could be a danger to you. If I had heard what you heard in your medical report, I’d be wearing long sleeves, long pants, and a brimmed hat all summer.
But, why are you asking me this question? It sort of seems like a wild hope, on your part, that I haven’t any common sense and will give you a “go-for-it” response. Why aren’t you checking a medical person? What I hope you will do is call your doctor back and specifically ask him about tanning beds. Then go with what he says, the professional.