Trick or treat?
Q: I don’t want what happened last year at Halloween to happen again this year. But if my boyfriend “Charles” has his way, it could be a repeat Halloween catastrophe. Oh, god, I hope that doesn’t happen because Charles and I can’t survive another one of those – or at least I can’t.
Charles loves Halloween. Actually, I have always loved it too, but it sure got ruined for me last year. I’m not sure whether or not it’s my favorite holiday any longer. What happened was that Charles and I planned a big Halloween party. We went all out. We decorated in a spooky house theme. It was incredible. We put our hearts (and money) into it. People were overwhelmed by it. We had the food catered from the best in town…and the booze flowed, and a DJ flooded the place with great music. It was an event that is still talked about to this day…in many ways, not a good memory for me. So, I’m not into a repeat performance, but Charles seems to have forgotten what it almost cost us. I don’t know why or how he’s forgotten it, but he seems to have as he is just having a ball with how things will look and be this year.
Let me tell you what went on last year. We were, in the beginning, having a great time. It was, of course, a costume party and people came in great costumes. For the most part, people tried to keep who they were – their identity – to themselves. Charles was dressed as Batman and I as Robin. It just so happened that there was more than one Batman and Robin combo. I guess that was big and plentiful at the costume shops.
It seems that Charles – after a few drinks – couldn’t tell which Robin was me, and the Robin he chose to take into our bedroom was absolutely not me.
Charles claimed he was drunk and never realized that the Robin he took into our bedroom wasn’t me. (That Robin was about the same size as me, but I have darker hair and, frankly, a better body.) But I guess he didn’t turn the light on, or bother to confirm the true identity.
I’ve worked at getting beyond all that. We didn’t talk much about it; it took awhile, and it wasn’t easy for me. But now, here we are again, having another Halloween party this year. Planning a party that will make last year’s event seem like a kid’s party. I have told him that I don’t really want one – as we plan this year’s party. You’d think that he would understand how this would feel to me, but he doesn’t seem to. We don’t talk about what happened.
I’m thinking that maybe he doesn’t understand because he really did think that the Robin he took into our room was me. I’ve been able to forgive him by believing that. So, I’m making my own costume this year – I’m going to be a German Sheppard. There would not be anyone he could confuse me with. Besides, this year, I’ll keep a close eye on the bedrooms. What do you think of this plan?
Sentinel at the Bedroom Door
A: Well, Charles sure wouldn’t be able to confuse costumes, alright; but more importantly, it appears to me that you and Charles have real communication problems. Why haven’t you talked about what happened at last year’s party and how that affected you? You plan another party and it still doesn’t come up? I know you said you didn’t want another Halloween party, but you apparently didn’t talk about the “why” of not wanting a party, or how things could be different this year. Instead, you are there with him working on another party. Your relationship lacks equality and communication. Is this what you want in life?
P.S. Maybe you should have Charles get preemptive Rabies shots.