Dear Jody

He’s a Republican – WTF?

Q: I’m writing this as my boyfriend “Bill” and I are watching the outcome of the elections. I’m so very excited and happy that Obama is leading and looks like he’ll win the election. My boyfriend is a Log Cabin Republican. OK, I knew he was a Log Cabin Republican before I committed to him, but I didn’t know it when I fell in love with him, which happened the minute I saw him. I was hooked by looks before my brains had a chance to have its word.
This is the problem: Bill is getting more and more upset, and I’m getting more and more excited! I want to be able to yell out in joy, but to do so will make Bill really upset because his guy is losing. I can’t say that I feel sorry that his guy is losing, just that I don’t want to make him upset, but I also want to be able to have my joy. I guess I have to say that I don’t understand why any gay guy would want to vote for a Republican since they don’t support our lives, but I guess that is besides the point in my case.
What I really want to know is: How, tomorrow, I allow myself to celebrate? I can’t contain myself.

Bursting at the Seams

A: Since you are part of the gay community, I have to believe you have many gay friends who are as excited as you are. I suggest you get in contact with them to allow yourself your time of joy. Get out there with them and let loose. I would guess that Bill will be happy for you to take the time away to deal with your bliss, and leave him to his time for disappointment. You both need to allow each other to be who he is if you are to make it as a couple – even if you don’t understand it.

She’s apolitical, but I’m not

Q: I just started seeing this woman “Dana” about a month ago. We have gone out or hung out four times. We both have busy lives, but have managed to see each other. I should say that she is the one chasing me, which really feels good (I’m the one who usually chases.) On our second date, she had me over for a very romantic dinner. She fixed a great meal with candles, wine and the works. She texts me during the day and it has felt so good, but there is one thing that didn’t feel that good.
First let me say, Dana is apolitical and didn’t even plan on voting. She said that if she were to vote, she’d vote for McCain. Frankly, I don’t know what is more disturbing to me: An apolitical person or a person who’d vote for McCain. Hello! She’s gay! I guess that I can feel grateful that she didn’t vote.
Anyway, Dana knows how political I am and that I’m a devoted Dem. She had asked me to hang out on Tuesday the 4th. Not really thinking about it, I said yes to her. Then, a friend was having a Voting Party on Tuesday and asked me to join the party. I texted Dana and told her that I really wanted to go to that party and could we get together on Friday (I knew she was free and we already had sort of scheduled that evening). I didn’t ask her to come to the party because she would have been such a wet blanket. Dana didn’t text me back until Wednesday, then just said, “Yea, sure.” I went to the party anyway, even though I hadn’t heard from her. Dana called me after and said that she felt pushed aside for a stupid political event. I think that she should understand that the election was a big deal to me, along with being an historic event, but she didn’t seem to. Like she didn’t seem to hear how important it was, and then finally just changed the subject. We are going out on Friday, but I don’t know how I feel about her now because she wouldn’t understand that the election was important and that she didn’t honor that. Jody, is this a red flag and I should dump her now?
A Blue State of Mind

A: I think you need to talk to her again when you both have cooled down. You need to hear how she felt, and acknowledge her feelings; and she needs to hear how you felt, and acknowledge your feelings as well. I also think you need to talk about how you want to communicate with each other. If she’s not willing to do this with you, a red flag is definitely flying overhead.