Dear Jody

By |2009-06-11T09:00:00-04:00June 11th, 2009|Opinions|
Meet me, already

Q:
I’ve been trying my hand at online dating, but I must be doing something wrong. The problem is that twice now I thought that I was connecting with someone, but ended up not ever meeting that person. Is this whole Internet thing a joke or what?
What seems to happen is that I get to the meeting-point with a woman, and then that’s where it all dies. I don’t understand it. Why do they lead me on and then don’t want to meet. It’s like we send these on-going, usually daily – or every other day – e-mails, then when I suggest it’s time to meet, they are gone! I don’t get it.
With this last woman (I’ll call her “Sam”), we communicated for over three months before I even suggested we go out. She hadn’t even suggested it. We talked about what we did for a living, what we liked to do and just little stuff, like how our day went. It was no more than three or four lines, nothing heavy.
I decided, since I made plans to meet her before, that maybe I was being too aggressive, so I pretty much waited for Sam to suggest getting together. I was getting really tired of our surface blah, blah, blah stuff and wanted to get on with it, and we had gone on like that for sometime. So, finally, I pushed the let’s-get-together thing so we could meet.
Well, Sam then said that she was going away for the weekend, but would call me when she got back; that seemed reasonable. So, I gave her my phone number. The next week came and went, and she didn’t call or e-mail me. I e-mailed her again and asked how her weekend away was. She e-mailed me and said it was great, not mentioning getting together or that she had intended to call me but hadn’t gotten around to it. A few days later, in my e-mail to her, I suggested again that we get together. She said that she would like to but couldn’t because her family was visiting – she didn’t say from where, but it must have been way out of town since they were staying two weeks! OK, so now I’m waiting two weeks for the family to leave. We e-mailed a little during that time, but not as much as usual.
Then after her family leaves, she went out of town for the weekend, but once again promises me that she will call when she gets back. And not only that, she’s telling me that she really wants to get together. I’m sure you are guessing that she didn’t call once again, and you’d be right.
Now, I’m trying to decide if I should e-mail her again – besides not calling she hasn’t e-mailed me either. As I said, I don’t get it. Why would someone do this? Also, do you think I should keep on with the e-mails, hoping that one day she’ll want to meet me?
In an Internet Dark Hole

A: First, I don’t know why this particular person is behaving this way. I can, however, come up with some ideas, if that helps. Sam may be stringing a few women along, trying some out while keeping you – and maybe others – on the line. Or, it could be that Sam has relationship issues and it’s easier for her to have online relationships than face-to-face ones. I could go on guessing, but let’s address you in all of this. I think it is time for you to let go of this weird e-mail communication thing that you have going with her, and move on. And in the future, you might want to express to anyone of interest on the Internet, that after “X” amount of e-mails – if both parties are still interested – you want to meet to see if there is anything there for you both. That’s not an unreasonable request. You might also want to make it something simple, like going for coffee. That can be assuring to both parties because if it’s not a match, you are not committed to a long, expensive date.

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BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 27th anniversary.