Too inexperienced for true love?
Q: My name is “Ron” and I’ve been out for almost two years fully (i.e. friends, family, etc.), and I need a little advice. I’m only 20, and I know I’ve found my one true love.
But here’s the issue: We’ve been seeing each other for over a year and were good friends for more than three years.
He has always been out and has much more experience in the “scene” than I do. He’s had the fooling around aspect of it, unlike me. It’s nothing for him to meet someone at an event and make friends. He is a very friendly, caring and outgoing person and likes meeting new people.
I feel, though, like my inexperience might get the best of me. I love him more than anything. Our relationship is the epitome of perfection. We can talk about anything. And I mean anything. Even about this issue. I’m just worried that one night I might screw up such a wonderful thing, even though in my heart I don’t think I could.
He has changed some of his ways to make me more comfortable about it. My problem is: I went straight from the closet to settle-down stage without hesitation. He’s all I need in this world, but sometimes when he talks about exes, I get a little flustered because I’ve never experienced that. Is it normal to feel this way, or am I just over reacting to things? This is the man of my dreams, so why bother dreaming of anything else? Any advice would be wonderful.
Epitome of Perfection
A: It seems like a small price to pay – not having gone through a lot of exes – to find the “epitome of perfection” right out of the gate. Take my word for it, if this relationship lasts a lifetime (or even 10 years) you will not have missed anything important, and you will have gained a wonderful relationship.
It’s just a dance!
Q: I wanted to take salsa lessons and my partner, “Janis,” didn’t want to take them. This upset me at first, especially since Janis is a good dancer. I got mad at Janis and pouted a lot, which made her mad at me; she told me to grow up. I realized that I was acting like a little kid who didn’t get her way, so I decided to stop pouting, find a salsa partner and learn to dance.
Now, Janis is pouting. She gets upset every week because it really takes two nights a week – one night for my lesson and one night out practicing my salsa – with my dance partner. (Our dance teacher is very clear that if we don’t practice, we won’t be able to really get any good at it, and I want to get good at it.) We go to a local bar to practice.
I get the feeling that Janis is worried about my cheating on her – she denies this, but I don’t believe her. Believe me, there is nothing going on between me and my dancing partner, other than the fact that we both love to salsa dance. She has a partner as well, and it seems to me that she is very happy with her life partner.
I don’t want anything to come between Janis and me. Nothing is that important. But I really love what I’m doing right now with my dancing. Do you think I should give up the salsa so as not to jeopardize my relationship with her?
To Salsa or Not
A: If you give up salsa dancing, you will end up resenting Janis and that will jeopardize your relationship. It is important for both people in a relationship to have their own interests honored and supported by the other one. If we, as individuals, can’t grow in our relationships, we will find our relationship stifling. You and Janis need to talk about this concept.
P.S.: Why not invite Janis to come out to the bar the night that you and your dancing partner practice? She may get the desire to join you, along with understanding your desire for salsa and not your dance partner.