Gov. Gretchen Whitmer addressed the State of Michigan after a plan to kidnap her and other Michigan government officials was thwarted by state and federal law enforcement agencies. She started by saying thank you to law enforcement and FBI agents who participated in stopping this [...]
All I Want For Christmas Is Acceptance
Q: I know you hear about this kind of problem every holiday, but “Susan” and I just don’t know what to do. Susan and I have been together for seven years, and every Christmas we spend the holiday with our families, alone. Susan’s family wants her at their house and I am not invited; most of them are very homophobic. They have told Susan that she can’t bring me because they don’t want the children to think that being gay is OK. My family is not quite as homophobic as Susan’s, but they basically don’t mention our relationship and just play like Susan is my good friend. She could come to my parents for Christmas if she wanted, but we would have to sleep in separate bedrooms because we aren’t married, and my parents said that those are the rules of their house.
Both of our parents live in other areas, so at Christmas I drive about 75 miles to my parent’s house and Susan flies to see her family. We have talked about not going, but this is the only chance for Susan to see her sisters and aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. She has a big family.
I am an only child, and every time I mention not coming home for Christmas, my mother starts crying and gets hysterical because they will be all alone for Christmas. This whole arrangement makes me wish Christmas never came, because we just can’t please everyone. How do we change our family so they can understand our relationship and accept us? We want to spend Christmas together, but we want to be with our families, too.
A: This is a common problem for gays that are in a relationship. The problem initially looks like it is just a problem with the family, but it really starts with the couple. You and Susan are both adults and need to make decisions based on your relationship, love and respect for each other. I would suggest that you tell your families that you love each other and want to spend Christmas together, and if they want to see you then you need to be welcome in their home as a couple – the same as anyone else. It may be too late to change plans this year (maybe not), but you could certainly talk to the family this Christmas and let them know what to expect from here on out. If you aren’t invited as a couple next year, then have your own celebration. Doing this lets your families know how important your relationship is, and that you love your partner. And if they want a relationship with you, they need to honor and respect who you are.
To tell or not to tell?
Q: Last week I went out with my good friend “David” to a bar. Well, he got pretty drunk and ended up telling me about something he did a couple of years ago that he is very embarrassed about. It has to do with cheating on his boyfriend (they are still together). His boyfriend, “Jerry,” is also a good friend of mine.
The next day he called me and begged me not to tell Jerry, promising he would never do anything like this again. I told him I needed to think about it. I don’t want to tell Jerry, but I think I would want to know if it were me. What would you do? Should I tell Jerry or keep the secret?
A: This happened two years ago and apparently has ended and has not happened again. I question why you would tell Jerry. Would it help David, Jerry or their relationship? If you do decide to tell all, don’t expect to be a hero because the bearer of bad news, like this, is often the person who receives the anger.