Gov. Gretchen Whitmer addressed the State of Michigan after a plan to kidnap her and other Michigan government officials was thwarted by state and federal law enforcement agencies. She started by saying thank you to law enforcement and FBI agents who participated in stopping this [...]
Stop the teasing
Q: Let me get right to the problem. My boyfriend, “Jorge,” is a very popular, outgoing guy. To put it another way, he comes with a group around him. For the most part I like the guys in his group and I’m not jealous of the time and attention that he gives to others. What I am upset about is that there’s a few guys in the group who love to instigate “let’s pick on Jorge’s boyfriend.”
I love Jorge very much. We’ve been together for a year and a half. We’re thinking about a commitment ceremony in the fall. Currently we live apart but are planning to find a place together. I tell you this because I want you to understand how serious we both are about building a life together.
I don’t think that I’m an overly sensitive person; however, Jorge is telling me that I am. I’m 28 years old and no one has ever said that I was an oversensitive person. Then again, I’ve not been teased that much, either, though I have been teased on occasions and I wasn’t upset about it.
So, do you think I should just turn the other cheek and pretend that I’m OK with what’s going on and assume that I’m just being “oversensitive”?
Tired of Turning the Other Cheek
A: First, I have to say that you haven’t really given me anything to go on regarding what you are being teased about and how the teasing is coming down on you. Having said that, my advice is to ask yourself the question: Does the teasing feel mean spirited and/or degrading? If not, maybe you should let it go. However, if the answer to this is yes, then you need to respect yourself by confronting those who are doing the teasing. But before you do that, it is important that you talk to Jorge about this again, letting him know how it feels to you. Being in love – amongst other things – means being willing to listen to the other person and stand by him. This will be an important conversation between you and Jorge, and hopefully he will listen, understand and support you. If not, you may want to rethink this relationship.
TMI on first date
Q: In my past I’ve had some negative habits and behaviors and have done a lot of bad things. I mean, I have not killed anyone and haven’t gone to jail, luckily, but I’ve not always been a nice person. However, I’ve worked hard to change and turn my life around. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m on the path and I feel good about it. The problem I have is letting dates know about my past. I want to be honest about what I’ve done and who I was. The difficulty I have now is that when I tell guys about my past, I don’t get another date. I don’t get it. I guess honesty is not what is wanted. But I’m proud of myself. I came from a really bad background and I’ve fought my way out of it and turned myself into a decent person. Shouldn’t people be happy for me and appreciate where I’ve come from and how I’ve changed? It seems that I should just be dishonest and come up with some bogus portrayal of my life so people will like me. But in that case, how would a guy feel when he’s invested in me, then finds out who I was. My guess is he’d drop me like a hot potato.
So, what should I do here?
Truth and Consequences
A: Take it gradually. You are overwhelming your dates with too much information too fast. It’s like you are dumping your life out on the table and daring them to get involved with you.
Even if you didn’t have a negative past life, it is never a good idea to let it all out on a first date. In order to let people get to know who you are today, you need to go easy on who you were in the past; otherwise, all they’ll see is the person who was, not the person who is.