By Jody Valley
Wind at your back, renter in your house
Q: This isn’t exactly a gay related issue so if you can’t put this in the paper please answer by email. I need to have a second opinion. I am a 55-year-old women, I have been working most of my life. I recently came into some inheritance money, it’s not a fortune, but I think it is enough for me to live on. Anyway, I want to retire and go off and travel. I plan to sell my house and possessions, get in my car, and take off. I am planning to work along the way.
My problem is that my friends and kids all think I am crazy. My kids are all adult with lives of their own, so what I do won’t really affect them. Their complaints are that: 1. They will be afraid for me. 2. They don’t think there will be jobs I can do along the way. 3. I will be spending their inheritance money and they think I should save some of it for them, and 4. They don’t want me to sell my house (it is the house they grew up in).
My friends are saying that it is irresponsible of me to just quit my job and take off. That I should know where I will be working and what I am doing. They also think I should keep my house, but if I keep my house I can’t afford to go.
I was so excited and now I am so confused. How do I know if I am doing the right thing? I have always been cautious and have taken care of others, now I want to take care of myself.
A Stick in my Spokes
A: All our life issues are gay-related, if it has to do with our lives. Now on to your question. We never really know if we are doing the right thing. Some of your kids and friend’s advice may be sound, take a second look at how you will finance this trip, and where and how you will get jobs. Is it possible for you to rent out your house while you give this a try? Then if it doesn’t work out like you want, you have a house to come back to. Make sure you talk to someone about how to invest your inheritance, and how much you can expect to reasonably get each month if you need it. Let your friends and kids know you have thoroughly checked out your adventure, and then take off and enjoy. And finally, it sounds to me that this is YOUR inheritance, not theirs.
Take the long with the short
A reader’s response to: “Long legs wins race, loses boy”
I, too, had a problem with my partner walking ahead of the pack. In contrast to Long legs’ situation, I had the long legs, and he had the short ones. Whenever we went somewhere, he was always rushing ahead of me and, as you said, it didn’t make me feel very special.
I, however, knew how I felt about it. I felt it was a lack of respect and consideration. I constantly asked him to slow down and walk with me. For a day or two he would walk with me, but then go back to his fast walking. He did this with everyone, and they too asked him to slow down; he didn’t understand why we all felt like this. After a while, I gave up on trying to say anything and knew, from then on, that this person was not the one for me. If he wasn’t going to make even a small effort to walk with me then, he wouldn’t make compromises in other areas of our relationship. Needless to say we did not stay together long after that, and I am happy to say that there are other men and women out there who are more than willing to walk WITH me, and it feels wonderful.
Signed Long legs at the back of the pack
A: I hope the original “Long Legs” is tuning in this week. You’ve given words to his partner’s side of how it feels, as well as the possible negative consequences of that kind of behavior. Thanks!