By Jody Valley
Learn about yourself with peers
Q: My sister and I have always been very close, and up until now, I have pretty much told her everything that is going on in my life. She is 17 and I am 14. Now, I am mad at her and don’t want to tell her anything. I feel so betrayed by her, and I don’t understand why she did what she did.
Here’s what happened. I fell in love with an older woman who is 45 years old. We met in an art class. It all started off as just a friendship, but it wasn’t long before it turned in to much more. I am so in love with her. She is kind, loving, funny, and smart. She has so much more to offer than anyone my age. We usually see each other at least two times a week, sometimes three. We usually spend our evenings at her house, not really doing much, just enjoying each other. Well, my sister told my parents last week. Now I am grounded, and they have said I can’t see her any more. I can’t believe it, why do they have the right to tell me who I can see, and who I can’t? I’ve tried to tell them how in love I am, and what a wonderful relationship we have, but all they see is that she is older than me. I was always afraid they would be upset because I’m bi, but that doesn’t seem to bother them nearly as much as her age.
Now my life is really fÉ..-up, and it is all because of my sister’s big mouth. She said she told my parents for my own good, but I think it is because she was jealous of my relationship with this woman. What can I tell my sister to make her see what she has done to me, and that she is wrong? And then how do I convince my parents that I am old enough to decide who I love?
A: Quite frankly, I agree with your parents and your sister. Your sister showed real love by telling your parents what you were doing. As well, your parents are acting like concerned, loving parents. This relationship between you and this woman is not healthy, and it is also illegal. The older woman could get into a lot of trouble, if your parents wanted to press things, legally. There is no reason for a 45-year-old woman to be interested in a 14 year-old girl. Explore who you are with persons close to your own age.
Find a person that vibes with you
Q: This is probably one of the strangest questions that you ever had, but I just don’t know the answer, and it is a problem. It is also too embarrassing for me to ask anyone else. OK, here goes. I can’t have an orgasm without using a vibrator, and I don’t know how to tell this to women who I am with. So far I have tried with two women, and it ended our relationship, both times. With the first woman, she just wasn’t interested, and the other woman was convinced she was a good enough lover to make me come without the vibrator. She thought that if she just did enough foreplay, it would all work out for me. WRONG! I told her that that hadn’t worked in the past, but I was game and gave it my all. It all just turned out that I became exhausted and sore, and she left with her ego bruised. So, we just went our separate ways.
Both times it felt pretty awful, and so now I am just being celibate. Do you think there is any hope for me? Are there women out there that wouldn’t care and would enjoy being with me anyway?
Hope for a Celibate?
A: Of course, everyone is different sexually; one person’s turn off is another person’s turn on. Don’t give up and don’t be embarrassed. There are other women, out there, who find it is easier to have an organism using a vibrator–and sexual partners who are fine with that.