By Jody Valley
All work and no play
Q: I am writing to you because my partner, "Sarah," and I agreed that you could solve this for us. What ever you say goes. We have a disagreement on how much she should work. Here's the situation in a nutshell.
Sarah works about 60 hours a week, or more. She works 7 days a week, most of the time, and sometimes at night. I don't see her very much, and when I do, she is exhausted and wants to sit around and do nothing. The only times we really do anything together is when we take vacations. She owns her own business and says she needs to work this much in order to make a living for us. I don't work outside our home; I basically take care of things here. I would be willing to work, but she can make so much more per hour than I can that we have decided it is not worth my working, as I am fairly unskilled and take care of things here, so she won't have to.
This is our disagreement. I think she should work less, and that we should cut down on our living expenses. We buy a lot of things and spend a lot of money on eating out, vacations, and stuff like that. For me, it is more important for us to be together than to have a lot of money. On the other hand, Sarah feels that she is on a roll and wants to make all the money she can now because later she may not be able to work as hard or make as much. She also likes nice things and doesn't want to give them up. What do you think is the right thing for us? Am I right, or is Sarah right?
Waiting At Home
A: This seems to be one of those things that my deciding for you would put one of you as the winner and the other as a loser; and, this is not a moral issue, but an issue of needs. I'm not willing to make such a decision for you, plus I don't have the total picture of what is going on, and why. However, it appears that the two of you are worlds apart on what is important to you, and what your needs are. To chose one way or the other probably won't work. Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the middle. It is important for both of you to first understand the needs and fears of the other. And then figure how you can run you lives in a way that you are both getting your needs met, not one or the other being a loser.
It may help for the two of you to get into short term counseling while working on this. An outside person – who can be objective – can help you look at the options available to you, and keep this from becoming a battleground.
Is drag OK at the office
Q: Halloween is coming up real soon. I just love it. This is one of my favorite holidays of the year and I always get excited for it. I am in my first with this company, actually, I have been with them only three months. I want to dress up as a drag queen and have all I need to do that. This would be for an office party at work. My best friend (who doesn't work with me) tells me this would not be a good idea, and that people might be offended. I say, it's Halloween and anything goes, if the company is having a costume party. We didn't get any instructions as to what we could or could not wear. What do you think?
Drag Queen In Waiting
A: It would depend on where you work. Who will see you and the culture of the company. Talk to other folks at the company and find out how they think it would go over, or if there would be any problems. I would want to know this because, for me, putting my job on the line – for a costume – wouldn't be worth it.
