By Jody Valley
Run from the zipper and laugher
Q: My lover, “Ted,” thought it was very funny when my lower extremity got caught in my zipper. We were at my home, just having made love, and I was putting on my pants and zipping them up and my skin got caught in the zipper. I yelled to Ted for help Ñ he had gone into another room – as I was in real pain and fearful of making a move, and fearful of not getting my skin out of the zipper. Ted came to me and saw my predicament and started laughing. There I was in great pain and fearful of moving; and there he was not trying to help, but finding it so funny. I finally took care of it, but I’m really pissed. Do you think I’m overly sensitive? That’s what he says!
A: I’d say absolutely not! Ted seems to have a bit of a masochistic side to him. You haven’t said how serious your relationship is, or was. But, if I were you, I’d consider that moment in time as a red flag. I’d run!
‘Acting’ at the movies
Q: I have a problem with “Jeremy.” We have been going together for six months. We have an agreement of monogamy. We don’t live together, but we have been talking about it. Well, we were supposed to go to the movies and out to eat. Jeremy called that morning and said that his aunt who lives out of town was ill and that he was close to her so he was going to see her. Actually, at the time, I thought that that was a good sign. You know, like he was a compassionate person, cared about family.
So, that night, I decided to go to the movies by myself as I didn’t want to stay at home and had been looking forward to the movie we were going to see. Guess who I saw at the movies? Jeremy with another man! I saw them after I had sat down. I was behind them, about five rows. Can you believe it, he took this guy to the very movie we were going to go to. Jeremy and this other guy were being very cozy with each other. I know that this is not cool, but I followed them and they went to a bar. I snuck in and sat in a dark place. They definitely were hooked up. I only stayed there for a few minutes and I saw all I needed to see. I know that he didn’t see me.
I have not talked to Jeremy since then as he said that he would call me when he got back in town. He figured it would be about a week. I don’t know what I should say to him when he does call. Do you have any ideas?
A: I don’t know if it is so much about what you are going to say, as what you are going to do. Jeremy is showing you who he is and what he will do. Now, what are you going to do? Like the first writer, I’ve just got to ask you if you see a red flag?
Not all the same
Q: I’m just writing to find out one thing. Do you think there is something wrong with a woman who really doesn’t want children? My partner wants children and I don’t. As a girl growing up, I have never been that much into kids. I like kids and they like me because I play with them, but I just don’t want to raise them. My partner says that I’m a defective woman. Do you think it is true, that something is wrong with me?
A: No, I don’t think you are defective. Not all women want to raise children; that’s a fact. Many women raise them because they think they should; it is an expected role for women, whether or not it is natural to all women. (Just like it is not natural to all men to want to fix cars, watch football, or spit on the sidewalk.) Raising children when a woman doesn’t really want to usually doesn’t benefit the children they produce or raise, nor does it make for a good or satisfying life for that woman.