Dog gone wild
Q: I am writing to you because my partner of ten years ("Sally") and I are having a huge disagreement. It's all over a dog we recently got. This dog belonged to one of our friends who moved to another city. She asked us to take her dog because she didn't want to take it to the dog pound and couldn't find a home for it. My partner and I agreed to take the dog, but I had one condition. That was that we had to get this dog into training and under control. The dog is really a sweetheart, but it is also very destructive and wild. It chews everything up in sight, it jumps on the furniture, it grabs things off the counter, it jumps all over me or anyone else coming into the house, and it slobbers. I thought owning a dog was fun, but all I am getting is more work, expense, and a big fight with my girlfriend. Now, I wish I had never said yes to taking on this dog.
Sally says he is just acting like a dog, and I should just enjoy him. If this is the way a dog acts, then I don't want one in my home now or ever. Sally also says he is too old to train since he is 8 years old.
Since we got him two months ago, my life has been hell. All I do is clean up after him, feed him, buy things he has destroyed, and apologize to people coming over about his behavior and, of course, fight with Sally. Our home used to be a peaceful place, but now I don't even want to come home at night. Sometimes, I just want to let him out and hope he runs away so we don't have to deal with him any more. Help! What do I do about this dog so it doesn't destroy my relationship with Sally?
A: I agree that an out-of-control dog is not fun to be around. What happened to your agreement with Sally to have the dog trained? A dog is never too old to train. He may not learn as fast, but he can learn. One of the things I have learned from having dogs over the years is that most all of their behaviors are because they get some kind of reward for the behavior, whether it is positive or negative – or they are bored. Do some research on dog trainers in the area and get him enrolled. His behavior will not change until he gets some training. In addition, find ways to make sure your dog is getting plenty of exercise and stimulation. Bored dogs usually get in trouble.
Who is to blame?
Q: I am writing to you because I just don't know what to do. The other night my boyfriend/partner and I got in a huge fight. We were at a party, and he had been drinking. He was flirting with a couple of guys and it made me mad. When I told him I wanted to go home, he said fine, but he was clearly mad. He even threw his drink into the fireplace – glass and all as he stormed out. I wanted to drive because I didn't know how much he had to drink, but he grabbed the keys from me and said he was okay to drive.
Well, in the car he started yelling at me for always being jealous, and he wasn't watching where he was going. There was a barrier in the middle of the road that he didn't see, and the next thing I knew, he hit it and we ended up in the ditch. Thank God neither of us was hurt, but the police came and arrested him. He spent the night in jail.
Now, he's mad at me because he says I made him leave the party when he had been drinking and so it is my fault he was arrested and will probably lose his license. I'm mad at him because he was flirting, that's why we had to leave, he wouldn't let me drive and if he hadn't been yelling at me, he might have seen the barrier and not been the accident. Who do you think is right?
Pissed
A: Right or wrong doesn't seem to be the real issue, here. Drinking, respect, and anger issues – to name a few – are more in question, as far as I'm concerned. Does he usually drink and act in this manner? Does he have anger outbursts often when drinking, or when he's not drinking? These are important questions. If he won't look into his drinking behavior with you, I suggest you get couples counseling. The counselor could help with addressing this issue with him. If drinking does seem to be a problem or you want to decide if it is, you might want to go to Alanon. They can be of help to you. Good luck!
