By Jody Valley
Q: I am a middle aged woman who is in good health and very physically fit. My partner, “Patty,” is a little older than me, but is also in good health and physically active. Patty and I have a wonderful relationship. We have been together for 23 years and things are getting between us now, more than they have ever had before.
The problem we are having is in our intimate life. It pretty much is non-existent. Neither of us have the sex drive, though we both had it when we were young. We’ve both talked about it and agreed that life is fine as it is now; however, when we hear about the rest of the world, it seems that there must be something wrong with us and that we should be fixed. For me, I am fine with the way things are, though I would like more touching in general. Patty says she is fine with the amount of touching, as well as lack of sex. Is there something wrong with us? When our friends talk and tease about their sex drive, it is embarrassing to us as we don’t want them to know ours doesn’t exist. We don’t want to lie. Should we be looking into what is going on and seeing if we can get medication or something to enhance our sex drive?
No Sex; Great Relationship
A: Everyone and every couple have different needs in the areas of touching and sex drive. There is no right or wrong amount to need. If you are both OK with the way things are, then there is no need to fix anything. You mentioned you need more touching. That is the area I would recommend you and your partner, Patty, concentrate on so that you are getting your needs met. It is important that the two of you discuss what your individual needs are in that area, and make sure that you take care of those things that are important to each of you. You are very fortunate to have a loving wonderful relationship.
Nobody ‘nose’ the trouble I’ve seen
Q: I don’t know who else to ask because my question is very embarrassing. My friends don’t understand why this is a problem for me, so they don’t get why I want to have anything done about it. Here’s the problem: it’s my nose. It is huge! I don’t mean just a little large, I mean HUGE. I have hated it my whole life, sometimes I don’t even want to go out in public because it embarrasses me so much. It seems like when people are looking at me they are looking at my nose and just can’t take their eyes off of it. Did you ever see the Frasier episode where Roz (Frasier’s producer) was going to get married and her fianc xE9’s parents had huge noses? The whole show was nose jokes. Well, that’s what I feel my life is like. As a kid I was teased all the time. People no longer tease me, but I can see the look on their faces. Anyway, I have looked into getting plastic surgery. I can afford it, but my friends say I am vane and crazy, that I shouldn’t care what others think, that I’m beautiful inside and that is all that matters. But I want to be beautiful outside as well, and if not beautiful at least not a freak. I would like to get it done, but I don’t know what to tell them or if I should tell them everything. I’m thinking of just saying I’m going on a vacation and then get a nose job, but I don’t know if this is a good idea or if I should just accept this is the way I was born and not do anything about it. What do you think I should do?
To Do, Or Not To Do
A. It sounds like this is something that has bothered you for a long time and you have the funds to do it. So, why not? This is your decision and your life. Do you have one or two friends that would understand and stand by you? From what I understand, this is something that can be pretty painful, and if it were me, I would want some support.