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Dear Jody

By Jody Valley

Dragged away

Q: I can't believe what just happened to me. I was coming out of a gay bar two weeks ago. I was just walking along minding my own business, just going to my car. All of a sudden, I noticed a car full of young men slowly pulling up to me. I realized I was in trouble as there was no one else outside. I started to run just as I got to my car, two of them jumped out, grabbed me, and pulled me into their car. I was pushed to the floor in the back seat. They said that they would show me what they did with queers. They were all drinking and laughing, telling me all the things they would do to me. I won't repeat what they were saying to me, but the more violent and awful the things they were describing got, the more they laughed. As you can imagine, I was scared to death. The ride took quite a long time. I could tell we were on a dirt road, but I didn't know where we were. When they finally stopped the car, they all jumped out, stated yelling at me to take off my clothes. They were in a circle around me pushing and shoving me. I thought I would end up like Matthew Sheppard, strung up on a fence left to die. They had my pants and shoes off. When they saw the lights on a car that was coming down the road, they jumped in the car, tried to drag me in, but I got away and ran into the woods.
They drove off, and I hid in a clump of bushes. After a while, I realized they weren't coming back. I started walking down the road and luckily came to a cabin. No one was there. The door was unlocked. I took some clothes and started walking back to town the next day. Once I got to the highway, I realized where I was, so I hitch hiked back to the area where I left the car.
Now I have to tell you that I am married and I had a difficult time explaining away why I didn't come home that night, but that part is okay. As you can imagine, I am embarrassed about it and don't want it out in the public, not to speak of the fact that I would definitely get canned at my job.
The problem is that, now, I am feeling scared to go out at night, and not just to gay bars. Every time I go out, I feel like I am being followed. I get so shaky I have to go back home. I have mostly just been staying home. (I know that you are probably thinking that that is what I should be doing anyway. But, I just don't know what to do from here.) This is ruining my life, and I can't even talk about it Ñ to anyone. What do I do to get over this so it doesn't ruin my life? (It even upsets me and scares me when I am with my family. I think that someone will spot me and yell out that I am gay.)
Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Q. I am so sorry this has happened to you and that you haven't been able to share this with anyone or get any support for what you have gone through. You were kidnapped and your life was threatened. Of course this is traumatic to you. And, I'm not here to judge you. Do you have one friend whom you can tell? It is important that you start talking about what has happened to you. Victims often feel embarrassed about the things that have happened to them and especially in your case since you are married. But you really do need to talk about the trauma that you have experienced. I would recommend that you work with a therapist around this issue. I also suggest that you report this to the Triangle Foundation. The Triangle Foundation's reporting line is 877-787-4264. Their staff and volunteers are trained to offer emotional and practical support to victims of violence. All calls are confidential, and you can remain anonymous if you wish. They always want to know when things like this happen, even if you haven't reported it to the police. Their web site is www.tri.org. Take care of yourself, you need time to heal!

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Topics: Opinions
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