By Jody Valley
Taste from the past
Q: Some days one just shouldn't get out of bed, this was one of those days. I went out running right before breakfast; this is something I do everyday. On my way back to my apartment, I was slowing down as I neared the lake. I was looking out over the lake at some ducks on the water and I ran into this woman. I mean I physically ran into her. I almost fell and she caught me. I looked up and couldn't believe my eyes, it was my old girlfriend. I hadn't seen her for about 2 years. After I recovered my dignity, we sat down on the park bench and talked for about an hour. Just as I stood up to leave, she grabbed me and kissed me. I was so shocked I didn't fight back; I guess I just kissed her. Well the problem came when I didn't tell my current girlfriend, "Kerrie," about what happen.
It gets worse from here, believe me. Because, little did I know, she had started worrying about me and came looking for me. I'm sure that you have guessed it, she saw us talking and then kissing. She went back home and when I came home she asked how my walk was. Here's where I really went wrong! I told her that it went just fine and that I stayed out longer because it was a beautiful day, and I just needed time to focus my mind.
She even gave me another chance to confess when she asks if I saw anyone while I was out. I blew it again when I denied seeing anyone. At that point she burst into tears and asks me–no told me√ëto get out. I tried to explain but, at that point, nothing I said made a difference. She wouldn't even listen. She said that because I lied to her, I couldn't be trusted with anything that I said. She grabbed my suitcases, threw my clothes in them, threw them out the front door, told me to leave and never come back. I left but didn't know where to go.
I have been calling all day. She talks to me for awhile, I mean, she screams at me for a while, then hangs up. I try to tell her that I'm sorry and the I don't know what came over me, but that I love her, not my ex. I'm stuck here at a motel trying to figure out how to make this all go away. I know she owns the house, but I don't think it is fair that she just kicked me out with no place to go. I know that I am in the wrong, and I'm sorry that I made a big mistake. That doesn't seem to help. She can be really stubborn, but how do I make her realized this and let me come back home?
Out in the Cold
A: Most of us have all been in circumstances that make us want to relive an event and do it differently. Unfortunately, that isn't possible.
This is one of those situations where both sides are understandable, when you look at where each is coming from. Kerrie saw you and your ex and wanted you to tell her about it, and now she feels you deliberately lied to her, and my guess is that she now feels that she can't ever trust you again. You were blindsided by seeing your ex, talked for awhile, when she kissed you were probably surprised because it wasn't what you expected, and you kissed her back–a tempting taste of the past, so to speak.
This problem isn't going to go away without some serious work. You broke her trust by lying after she saw you talking to and kissing your ex. You didn't say whether or not this is a pattern in your relationship or why you decided to lie. On the other hand, I don't know why she didn't just tell you what she saw when you came home so you could talk about itÑsort of testing you, wasn't she. Trust, honesty and good communications are big issues in your relationship. Right now, Kerry is in shock over what has happened. It will probably take some time for her to calm down, and hopefully want to work on saving the relationship. At that time, she may be more willing to listen to you, at least enough for you to suggest on getting some professional help, if you can't work these issues for yourselves.
