By Jody Valley
Gambling your home away
Q: My partner, "Shelia," and I have been together for almost 10 years. We own a nice house and have enough money to make our life pretty easy. The problem is Shelia's mother. He mother is a gambler, in fact not just an ordinary gambler; she recently lost her home because of gambling debt. She can't seem to help herself. She will try to engage folks around her and gamble on anything happening during the day. She even tries to gamble with our kids (ages 6 and 8). She will tell them things like "whoever guesses the time dinner is put on the table, doesn't have to do dishes" or driving down the street she will see a red light and want us to gamble on whether or not the light will turn green by the time we get there. I believe she really loves our kids and us, but she can't seem to stop wanting to see all of life as something to gamble on. I think this is a bad influence on our kids as well as driving Shelia and me crazy.
Now on top of this, she wants to move in with us because she has no place to stay. Shelia has 3 other siblings and none of them want her to move in with them. They have lots of excuses why it wouldn't work, but they do think it would be great if she moved in with us. Nobody has the guts to tell mom they don't want her because of her gambling. Our kids really love her and also want her to move in here, but they aren't old enough to understand why we don't want her to move in. How do we explain to our family kids and mom why this won't work? We really do love her; we just don't want her living with us.
READER NAME
A: You are absolutely right to be concerned about her behavior, especially around your children. I think that you and your partner's sibs need to have a meeting and figure out a way to help mother without enabling her. I am assuming that neither you, your partner or your sibs wants your mom out on the street, but still you can't have this addictive behavior in your homes. I advise you to contact someone from gamblers anonymous or a counselor who deals with addictive behaviors and set up a meeting for all the sibs. I'm sure they have dealt with this kind of family situation before and have some ideas about keeping your mom safe, but getting her into treatment. Good Luck!
Toughen up this world
Q: I think I could have a nervous breakdown. There is so much tension in the world, locally, nationally, and all over the world. I read the papers, listen to the radio, and watch the TV. The news is terrible. It's getting so I can't sleep and just feel nervous and crazy inside. I don't know what to do. I know that I can't change the world.
My boyfriend says that I'm too sensitive and that I just need to emotionally "toughen up." I don't know how to do that, maybe you can help me or have some suggestions as to how to do that.
Shaking in my Boots
A: I'm not sure that I want to help anyone "toughen up" so that they aren't sensitive to bad things that happen. However, I do think that you are on "News Overload." Bad things have always been happening, everywhere. Before all the on-the spot news coverage and so many outlets for the news, we all just didn't become so exposed to it all. I think that it is really hard to take all that bad stuff in every day. I'm guessing you are almost addicted to all this news. You need to wean yourself off it, get it down to an emotional doable amount. Also, you need to look for some good things that are happening in this world. There are many good stories of the goodness and kindness of othersÑthough I know the media seldom features them. I agree that you cannot go out and change the world, but you could become part of changing something, for the good, on a local basis. I suggest you get involved in that kind of activity so that you start feeling your power to change something for the better.
