By Jody Valley
Advice for 'Shaking in my Boots'
Q: I am writing to you regarding your advice to the man who signed his letter with "Shaking in my Boots" in the Aug. 25 issue of BTL. He described not being able to sleep and said he feels "nervous and crazy inside" and said he didn't know what to do, but that his boyfriend said he was "too sensitive" and needed to "emotionally toughen up."
I think your advice was sensible. He does need to find a way to balance the bad news he's taking in with the good news that exists – yet sometimes feels harder to find – in this world. And I agree it would be helpful to channel some of his energies into doing something positive on a smaller scale.
However, when reading his letter it occurred to me that he may have an anxiety disorder. In fact, reading his letter I was reminded a lot of myself several months ago, before I sought help. I, too, couldn't sleep and felt like the world was going to hell around me. I was anxious, I was worried about everything, I was constantly tense. I was making myself miserable. I also gave myself the same "advice" the letter writer's boyfriend gave him. I thought I just needed to be stronger and that I could just pull myself up by my boot straps so to speak.
When I read about generalized anxiety disorder suddenly everything made sense. I thought, "Oh my god, that's me." But even after that I still didn't seek help for it. I figured it was just something I was going to have to live with, something that couldn't be changed. After all, I'd felt like this my whole life. Unfortunately it just kept getting worse as I got older, and I realized it was negatively impacting every area of my life: my relationship, my job, my friendships, my health. I was very unhappy.
After much soul searching I ended up seeing a therapist, which was a big and painful step for me, and that has helped a great deal. I am also taking a low dose of an anti-anxiety medication even though I don't like taking medicine. The goal is to eventually not have to take it at all, though in the short term it is helping.
If "Shaking in my Boots" doesn't have health insurance or can't afford therapy, there are books he can read – and should read even if he can take advantage of a therapist. One is "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmund J. Bourne which is really useful. There's also the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (http://www.adaa.org) which has some resources. Also, others have found yoga, meditation, and exercise to be helpful. Though I'm not into yoga, I can vouch for exercise.
It takes a lot of work and dedication to overcome anxiety, but readers should know that it can be done. I am hardly over it, but already I feel better than I did several months ago. I really felt trapped, but am glad I didn't accept that living a life riddled with anxiety and obsessive worry was my fate. I am lucky to have a very supportive partner – though I should say that I was driving her crazy, too, and learning about anxiety disorders helped us both. I hope the letter writer's partner can be supportive, too, and I wish him luck.
Recovering Anxiety Queen
A: Thank you for writing and offering your life experience on how you have dealt with your anxiety problems. Whether or not "Shaking in my Boots" has a generalized anxiety disorder, or is just a news junky in a nation/world where things feel pretty crazy and out of control – even more so now due to what's happening in New Orleans and other areas of the southern coast line – you offer some great suggestions for people dealing with anxiety, regardless of the degree.
And, congratulations on your facing your anxiety and dealing with it.
