Q: I just met the girl of my dreams; I’ll call her “Sally.” She is perfect for me: beautiful, kind, loving, funny and incredible in bed. We met recently when I was away at a conference for a week. I’m sure you are wondering why this is a problem for me.
Well, it’s a problem because I am already with someone else; in fact, “Jenny” and I are in the midst of planning our wedding. We have a wonderful vacation coming up next month and are planning to get married while we are there. We have sent out invitations for the upcoming wedding – not that many people plan to attend because of the distance. When we get back, our families have organized a big, expensive reception for us. Family members have been so supportive and have spent a lot of time and money on everything involved. Jenny and I have even written our vows to each other and have the ceremony planned, the minister hired, and the flowers ordered. So as you can see, pretty much everything is finished.
Now if I cancel everything I am going to look like such a horse’s ass. On top of that, I still love my bride-to-be, but I think I might love Sally more. I don’t want to do anything too impulsive and end up with the wrong woman. But I also don’t want to have the wedding when I’m not sure. I just wish I hadn’t met Sally and all this wouldn’t be happening.
What do you think I should do – call off the wedding or go on with it hoping that Jenny is the one for me?
Sally or Jenny?
A: It wouldn’t be fair to Jenny for you to go ahead with wedding plans when you met, slept with, and think you love someone other than Jenny. Frankly, I don’t think you are ready to settle down with anyone, just yet.
Free … but without friends
Q: I moved to the Lansing area six months ago. It took me quite awhile to save up the money to move and then find a job, but I finally did it. I wanted to move because I’ve lived my whole life in a very small, conservative town in northern Michigan and figured that it was time for me to be free. I’ve known I was gay for several years but never met anyone else who was gay that lived in my town, so I’ve never really dated or anything.
Since I’ve been here I haven’t met anyone (other than people I work with) and I am feeling pretty lonely. I’ve gone to a couple of bars by myself but didn’t really strike up a friendship or anything. I thought it would be different here. I thought I would meet other guys like me and at last be able to live my life. But all I do is work, go home, and go to bars to watch others have fun.
What do I need to do to make guys notice me? I’m not that bad looking and I am nice but a little shy.
A: From what you have told me, I think you probably need to find other places to meet people rather than bars. I suggest you get a LAHR newspaper or visit www.lahronline.org and check out the many places you can go – as well as things you can do – to meet people. They also have online discussions that you can get involved with that will help you connect with others.
When you get involved in organized activities or a group of some kind, it makes it much easier to get to know people because you have an interest in common, which helps start a conversation. Let me know how it goes.