Q:
I am all alone, sitting in a motel room. It's freezing outside, and I can feel the cold air seeping in around the doors and windows. The reason I am sitting here in despair is that my lover threw me out of our house and I have no place to go. I am so alone and dejected. I just don't know what I am to do.
Two nights ago I caught "Tim" with another guy – in bed, naked and having a ball (no pun intended). I was out of town for a couple of days interviewing for a job (which I didn't get); I came home early to surprise Tim and lick my wounds. When I walked up to the front door, I could hear music, laughter and lots of other disgusting noises. I knew what was going on before opening that door. I should have turned around and walked away but I just couldn't help myself. Tim didn't even hear me when I walked in on his "den of pleasure." Tim was, of course, shocked when he saw me.
The crazy thing is that Tim was furious with me for coming home without calling, as if I were in the wrong. He ranted and raved about how inconsiderate I was and then told me to get my things and leave as he never wanted to see me again. I quickly gathered up what I could, found a cheap motel and now here I am. I've only got enough money for a month and then I'm out on the street.
Tim and I have been living together for a couple of months. He invited me to stay with him while I was looking for a job, one thing led to another and we started getting it on – you know how it goes. We never really discussed seeing others, but I just thought that because of what we had together, he wouldn't be interested in anyone else.
I don't know whether or not I should beg Tim to let me come back. I think if I apologized he would let me move back in. I really don't want to go back and grovel like a dog – as if I were wrong – but I don't know what my options are. I don't want to be out in the cold freezing to death and I have no income.
What can I do? Should I go back and beg Tim to take me back? What are my options? I'm so stressed and don't know what to do next. I don't deal with stress well.
Freaking Out
A: You certainly do have the option of going back to Tim and begging him to let you move back in, but do you really want to be in a situation where a person can turn you out on the street at any time and for any reason?
Given what you have told me, my suggestion would be for you to ask other friends or family if you can move in for a short period of time while you find a job. If family or friends can't help, you can go to a shelter and stay there until you find a job. Some shelters offer help in finding employment.
You didn't ask me, but the situation you found yourself in seems to be because you moved in with Tim without a clear understanding of your relationship with him. Apparently you thought that because the two of you became involved, it meant that the relationship was monogamous, and his home was your home. Tim seemed to believe that having sex with others should not be a problem, and you should always let him know when you are coming back to his home. He obviously didn't think that his house was your home, and that he could tell you to leave at anytime.
Besides finding a job so that you won't find yourself in the same situation again, you need to think before you leap into a relationship that has not been talked about or defined. You would also benefit from some help in learning how to deal with your stress better.
No one is immune from stressful situations. If you want to know how well you deal with stress, find Dear Jody Valley on Facebook and take the test.
