Q: I am a 52-year-old woman who wants to know how to get into a long-term relationship with another woman. I was married for 16 years when my husband died. I have known since I was young that I was attracted to women but I married and had children just because that seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. I guess that was just what I was raised to do and I wanted children so I just got married. I now have two grown children that are very accepting of me being a lesbian.
I’ve been told that I’m a good-looking woman. I have a healthy lifestyle and keep my body in pretty good shape. I love to try new things and have many interests of my own. I think I’m pretty intelligent, and people find me friendly and fairly outgoing. I’m loyal to my friends and value them. I know that I have something to offer to another person, along with accepting kids.
Anyway, I feel like I gave up a lot of my life and now I want to be true to myself. I want to be in a long-term, loving relationship. My problem is that even though I’ve done quite a lot of dating, I can’t seem to find a person that wants the same. Does that exist? And where do I look?
Lots to Offer
A: Yes, I know there are women out there that want long-term relationships. I hear from women all the time who are looking for a relationship that is permanent. If I were looking for a relationship, whether it be long term or just dating, I would volunteer at places that interest me. That way when I found someone I wanted to date we would have a starting point. When you are meeting women, look for friends. If something long term develops, that’s great; if not, you have a new friend. When dating, try to enjoy the dating experience and not worry about whether this is the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with; otherwise, you may come off as “desperate” and scare people off.
Splitting the costs
Q: My boyfriend and I are making vacation plans together. We are planning a road trip together, traveling down to the Florida Keys. We will be gone for four weeks. We did a road trip about three years ago and the problem was that I ended up paying far more than my share of expenses. It seemed that his credit card was never handy, so I would pay. I didn’t share my anger with him at the time, but I don’t want it to happen again.
Unlike before, we currently live together and share all the monthly expenses and we make about the same salary so it isn’t like he doesn’t have the money to pay his share. How do I make sure he pays his part without seeming like I’m cheap or nagging the whole trip by constantly telling him I paid the last time?
A: If I were you, I would definitely come up with a “split-the-expenses vacation payment plan” before I would even pack one pair of khaki shorts. Since you seem to have worked out a plan for household expenses, it would seem a likely extension of your financial arrangement to figure out how this trip is going to be managed, monetarily. For instance, you could both put “X” amount of money in a pot for food, shelter and car expenses. For all other personal expenses, each of you pays for himself. That’s just one idea. When you do have your financial planning for vacation, be sure to listen to your boyfriend’s needs and ideas, working out what works for both of you.
P.S. Don’t bring up your anger from last time; just make it work this time. Bringing up anger that happened three years ago could detour your Florida vacation before you even get in the car.
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