Q: I’ve been on an Internet site for meeting and dating. I’m new to this area, and though I’m interested in romance, I’m also interested in getting new friends. What’s happening is that I’m feeling like a piece of meat. I get responses that are only sexual in nature, not anything about the guy who’s writing me back or even wanting to know anything more about me, other than the size of my dick. Believe me, I have nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to my anatomy or how I use it, but that’s not what I’m trying to accomplish. As I said, I’m interested in romance – with sex, of course. And I want to meet friends. What are the respondents not getting here?
Romance Before Sex
A: Not knowing what kind of site you are on or seeing what you are putting out there in your profile, it’s hard to say, but that’s where you might want to start. Make sure the site is appropriate for what you are looking for, and not just a sex site. Also, check your profile and make sure that it really indicates what you are after. Have someone else read it and critique what you have written and the pictures that you put on your profile – your words and pictures might be giving the wrong message. If you haven’t already, you might want to try other avenues of meeting people as well, such as joining LGBT groups and attending LGBT events.
Dealing with cancer treatment
Q: My partner, “Jan,” got the cancer diagnosis last week. Since then, we have been in a tail spin. Our doctor says that we should do one thing, yet my friend “Cindy,” who has gone through cancer, treatment says that we should find a cancer center. We both love this doctor and have felt very confident in him. We are really just feeling like doing nothing. We just sit and stare at each other, not being able to make any decision at all. It would be easier to just go along with the doctor, but I guess I am afraid that just because it is easier it might not be the best thing for Jan. Cindy says that Jan will get better treatment at a cancer center because that is all they do, and that we can find a cancer center that specializes in the type of cancer she has.
We have never been faced with anything like this before in either of our families. It feels like it is the end of the world and we can’t seem to think. How do we make a decision on what to do? How do we know what the right thing for Jan is, and where do we get the energy to follow through? Just writing this to you has been such a chore.
A: I am so sorry that this has happened to you and Jan. I can relate to what you are going through because my partner Elaine and I went through a similar situation several years ago. Elaine was diagnosed with a fairly rare cancer. The doctor that discovered the cancer wanted to treat her at our local hospital. One of our daughters who works in the medical profession insisted that we go to a sarcoma center – the type of cancer that Elaine had. Luckily for us, the University of Michigan has an excellent sarcoma center. Like you and your partner, we were suffering from shock and feeling immobile; it seemed easier just to go along with our local physician’s offer to treat. Our daughter stepped in and made the arrangements for us to go to UM. All we had to do was show up. The end result was that we were glad that we went to UM and felt that Elaine received excellent treatment.
It is always a good idea to get a second opinion. I don’t know if Cindy has a particular cancer center in mind, but if she does, you may want to make an appointment to talk to someone there, and then talk with the doctor that you know and already trust. (I bet if you asked, Cindy would make the appointment for you, if that feels like a need.) This is an important decision, time is certainly a factor, but choosing a place of treatment is incredibly important. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me and I will do my best to help you through the process.