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Deep Inside Hollywood

By Romeo San Vicente

Jen vs. Jane

Ben Affleck may have said "Enough" to Jennifer Lopez, but Hollywood hasn't. "Legally Blonde"'s gay director, Robert Luketic, will helm J. Lo's new project, "Monster-In-Law," for New Line. The comedy, written by Anya Kochoff, will star Lopez as a young woman who thinks she's met the perfect guy, only to be terrorized by his evil mother. And no, in spite of all the tabloid reports of Lopez's ability to terrorize plenty of people herself, she isn't playing the mom. That duty will fall to Oscar winner Jane Fonda, who hasn't appeared on screen since 1990's "Stanley and Iris" and is emerging from her Ted Turner-inspired retirement to take on the role. You won't see it until 2005, but you can bet Lopez is hoping for Luketic will give her the same queer-eye "Blonde"-style career makeover that Reese Witherspoon got.

Gandalf trades staff for Shakespeare

Now that his bills are paid in full forever thanks to the "Lord of the Rings" movies, Ian McKellen can return to something he does better than just about anyone – Shakespeare. McKellen, who was practically demonic in "Richard III," has been cast in Michael Radford's upcoming film adaptation of "The Merchant of Venice," the story of Portia, an heiress whose suitor, Bassanio, needs cash quickly. Enter Shylock and pounds of flesh, and well, you remember the rest if you paid attention in English class. This time around – and it's the first theatrical version in English since 1922, so we were due – Al Pacino is Shylock, McKellen is Antonio (the merchant of the title, and Bassanio's co-signer), and Cate Blanchett is Portia. Filming starts this fall in Venice, Italy, and Luxembourg.

Heather Graham goes 'Gray'

Writer/director Sue Kramer has rounded up a nicely accomplished cast for her first feature, the independent romantic comedy "Gray Matters": Heather Graham, Sissy Spacek, James Marsden, Alan Cumming, Jane Krakowsi, and Saffron Burrows. Graham stars as a woman named Gray who falls for Burrows. The kink is that Gray's brother (Marsden) is in love with Burrows, too. Of course, there's really no telling until the final chop is made, but we're rooting for lesbian love to rule the day. Shooting is set to begin any minute now in New York City with newly established production company El Camino behind it all. Look for it to be some big queer film festival's opening night gala screening in about a year's time.

Miramax binds Marshall's feet

Even when your movie wins a lot of Oscars, you still can't always get what you want. Rob Marshall's desire to follow up "Chicago" with a film adaptation of the best-selling novel "Memoirs of a Geisha" may remain unfulfilled because of his current contract with Miramax. It seems he has to make one more movie for Miramax, who doesn't own the rights to "Geisha." So unless he can get out of his contract or Miramax decides to lend Marshall out for the project – and with Miramax's notoriously difficult Big Kahuna Harvey Weinstein's track record for kindness to directors, not to mention a recent press release citing the studio's "commitment to shareholders" – this version of "Geisha" will end up in some other director's hands, virtually ensuring no song-and-dance numbers. Don't your own problems seem insignificant now?

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