Forbidden fruit

It's true. God did not make "Adam & Steve" – the movie, at least – though the inclusion of Parker Posey and Chris Kattan as guest stars does feel like a divine gift. That gift, unfortunately, is the film's only saving grace.
It's 1987. A young Adam, full into his Goth phase and looking like a scary version of The Cure's Robert Smith, wanders into a gay NYC nightclub with his best friend Rhonda (Parker Posey in a fat suit). He catches the eye of a Dazzle Dancer (complete with cut-off jean shorts and crimped "Dee Snider" hair) performing onstage. Adam takes him home, where they do some lines of coke cut with baby laxatives. Whilst the Dazzle Dancer struts around naked, flexing and posing, a scatological mishap occurs that will scar him (and quite possibly the film's audience) for life.
Fast-forward 17 years. Adam is no longer Goth, but he's still insecure and a recovering drug addict to boot. He is also now a neurotic pet owner. When he accidentally stabs his dog while slicing some sausage (the only thing in his refrigerator), Adam rushes the dog to the hospital. A people hospital. In his underpants. The psych ward is called and the handsome doctor that answers the page: none other than Steve, the Dazzle Dancer of yore. Thankfully, neither man recognizes the other and a mutual attraction is in the air.
So they start dating and fall in love. Everything is fine until Steve, in a moment of flashback, remembers who Adam is. Then freaks out and leaves him.
It's as ridiculous as it sounds.
Will they get back together? Will Steve get over his mortifying past? Will Adam start drinking again? Will Rhonda hook up with Steve's straight roommate Michael (Chris Kattan)?
Honestly, only the answer to the last question is interesting. Posey and Kattan save "Adam & Steve" from being just another low-budget, ham-handed gay romantic comedy. It's a shame they aren't in every scene. Posey shines as a newly thin stand-up comic who can't let go of her endless supply of "I'm so fat" jokes. Kattan is delightfully understated and plays the literal and figurative straight man to Steve.
Another high point is the ensemble chosen to play Adam's accident-prone Jewish family. Julie Hagerty (you'll remember her as the flight attendant in "Airplane!"), in full neck brace, is sweet and funny as Adam's mother. Alas, her scenes are all too short.
The most ubiquitous presence in "Adam & Steve" is that of Craig Chester, who plays Adam. Sadly, his acting is clunky, and many of his scenes seem to drag on way longer than needed. He's also involved in numerous sight gags involving beer bottles that get old fast. I found myself repeatedly thinking, "Who directed this movie?"
Well, Chester did. He also wrote the script. While it may be nice to have so much artistic control, Chester needed, badly, to delegate, especially in the directing area. "Adam & Steve" is like a necklace made up of rusty nails with a jewel thrown in every now and then. There were some laugh out loud moments, but far more cringe-inducing ones.
"Adam & Steve" doesn't add anything new to the gay romantic comedy genre. Two men falling in love on screen just isn't novel any more. The result is a film that chants, "We're here, we're queer, we'll bore you with it."