From Sunshine to Sanctuary State: How Michigan Became a Refuge for These Parents and Their Trans Kid
After their kid came out as trans in 2023, the Longs were relieved not to be living in Florida anymore
Over a decade after Ken and Amber Long relocated to Michigan from Florida with their two children in 2012, it feels like their move was meant to be. When their daughter, now 21, came out to them as trans in 2023, they were already living in what is considered a safe haven for transgender people. They say their experience navigating that with her would’ve likely been different had they still lived in Florida, a state with some of the strictest anti-trans legislation.
The couple, who identified as Republican, Evangelical Christians at the time, began questioning where their theological and ideological views fell before leaving Florida. When they saw how their party and religion so easily aligned with beliefs that they didn’t feel represented them, it pushed the Longs to begin a religious deconstruction and to rethink their views.
“It really alienated us from that group, and it pushed us deeper into this idea that we are not what the rest of our ideological group [became]. And it really pushed us to the fringes of that group,” says Ken.
Moving to Royal Oak, which they call “a little blue pocket," was mind-opening for the Longs, who began to lean toward more progressive beliefs.
“We didn’t have a structured support system already here for us, so it allowed us to be more exploratory and listen to other perspectives, and have friends that were outside of our religious bubble in Florida,” says Ken.
According to the Human Rights Campaign, as of August this year, nearly 40% of transgender youth (ages 13-17) in America live in states that have passed bans on gender-affirming care. Unfortunately, the situation for queer youth is even more grim: Of the 50 states, 26 — more than half — have implemented these regulations. Additionally, more than 350 transgender and gender nonconforming people have lost their lives to fatal anti-trans violence in the past decade. Florida and Texas were collectively home to almost 20% of all victims.
The Advocate has even gone so far as to issue a “do not travel” advisory on Florida for trans people on its Adult Trans Legislative Risk Assessment Map. Political advocacy group Equality Florida has issued a similar advisory. Under Florida law, transgender people can be arrested for using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity.
“It’s definitely easier to live with a positive outlook when we live somewhere like Michigan. We know people who have left unsafe states in search of a better life to live their authentic self, or for an opportunity for their kids to live their best life,” says Amber.
Florida and Michigan: a stark contrast for trans people
The Longs say their biggest concern when their daughter came out to them wasn’t about if she would regret it; they welcomed her new identity as “the next adventure.” Instead, they worried about how society might judge and treat her, fearing it would make her life more difficult.
“I just worried about things that probably most parents go through, like what is going to happen to her in her life. I didn’t have fear about where she is geographically at this moment, though,” says Amber.
The Advocate’s risk assessment of Michigan notes a “low risk” for transgender people living in the state over the next two years (the map was published in February 2024). It was deemed “low risk” and not “no risk” in part due to being a swing state. Despite a Democratic trifecta and a narrow 20-18 Democratic majority in the State Senate since 2022, shifts in political dynamics can occur rapidly, especially with such a slim margin and the potential for complacency.
“In Michigan, we’re in a good place right now in terms of some things we’ve accomplished in our state, and that’s a result of elections,” Jay Kaplan, staff attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Rights Project, tells Pride Source.
In Michigan, strong pro-human rights leadership, particularly from Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, has made a significant impact. She established the state’s first-ever LGBTQ+ commission, amended the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act to reaffirm and expand protections for sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression (ensuring no one can be fired from their jobs or evicted from their home for how they identify), opposed and vetoed any anti-trans legislation that has fallen on her desk, vetoed anti-trans budget language that sought to deny gender-affirming healthcare and banned conversion therapy. Earlier this year, Whitmer signed a package of commonsense, pro-family bills that remove criminal prohibitions on surrogacy, safeguarding this pathway to parenthood and establishing clear guidelines for establishing paternity in these arrangements.
“But all of those things that have been achieved as a result of those elections could be wiped out by another election,” Kaplan cautions. “And that's why it's not just about, ‘This is what we've accomplished and we can sit back and rest on our laurels.’ It's also about how we maintain and retain that progress, and be in a position to be able to go further too. And to never take it for granted.”
Recently, Whitmer reflected on the LGBTQ+ protections she has championed in an interview with Pride Source. During the conversation, she emphasized that, while these protections can’t be undone, a Supreme Court decision could undermine them. “A federal law could absolutely supersede what we've done,” she said. “And that's why whether it is LGBTQ+ rights or women's reproductive rights or simply any other right, like to marry who you love, to make sure that you can access healthcare or contraception, all of these things fall under that same right of privacy, and so they all continue to be in jeopardy. None of this is done, sadly.”
Working alongside legislative leaders like openly gay Sen. Jeremy Moss and openly gay State Rep. Jason Hoskins, Whitmer pledged to continue to work to make Michigan “a state that the LGBTQ+ community can point to across the country as a state that's doing more, that's doing it right, and that is drawing people into our state because of our work here.”
Meanwhile, more than 20 pieces of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation were introduced in Florida this year. Thanks to local advocacy groups and queer and allied Floridians, only one of them made it to Gov. Ron DeSantis’ desk.
“Amber and I have often speculated if our lives and our daughter’s life would have been different had we not moved from Florida to Michigan,” says Ken. “With all things being equal, we couldn’t fathom how much more complex it is for LGBTQ+ folks to live in a state that’s actively legislating against your rights.”
Learning how best to support their trans kid
While the Longs are learning every day about their daughter’s experience being trans, they’ve made a strong effort to put much of the educational responsibility on themselves, rather than her.
“I decided personal questions about her, like, ‘What do you want?’ and ‘How do you want to proceed?’ I would bring to her, but any other kind of general education, I decided to take that on myself, or ourselves, through books, documentaries, movies, podcasts, all of it,” says Amber.
The parents also began researching organizations they could join to better understand how to be supportive of her, and to find local resources and community with other loved ones of queer people. That led them to joining PFLAG Detroit. Their first meeting was only a couple weeks after their daughter came out, and Amber says it immediately put them at ease.
“The opening speech of that meeting was about trans joy, and I started crying. And I think I cried the whole meeting,” says Amber. “It was exactly what I needed. Knowing that she can and will have joy in her life because of who she is just really put those fears to rest for me,” she says.
The Longs say having others to relate to and navigate through the newness together makes them feel better equipped to support their daughter, too. Ken says that because he is not queer himself and doesn’t fully know what it’s like for his daughter, he likes to wear a Pride pin, not only to show his allyship, but to also take some of the potential targeting away from his daughter or other queer folks.
“It creates a bigger target for someone who might have nefarious intent, so they don't know which one of us is the queer person that they're trying to attack," Ken says. And if I can do that and align myself with other folks in the LGBTQ+ community and take away a part of the burden of carrying a target on their back, that is worth it."
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