Battle of the Dirty Divas
Mariah Carey
"Touch My Body"
Visions of love? Riiight! Mariah Carey's edging 40, which can only mean one thing: She wants wiener. Now! Leaving nothing to the imagination on playful "Touch My Body" (the first single from – cheer physics fans! – April 15 release "E=MC2," the follow-up to 2005's "The Emancipation of Mimi") she coos: "Touch my body/Put me on the floor/Wrestle me around/Play with me some more." What the eff? Since when did Mariah become a sex-fiend lyricist – or Janet Jackson? Sure, she likes strutting in some barely-there get-ups (for the single's cover shot, apparently she totally forgot her clothes at a rodeo), but still, whatever happened to leaving a little mystery? The mid-tempo music itself, though, is subtle: some synth sounds, light bass, keyboard loops and snaps. And Mariah – whose voice is a whispery-, full-vocal hybrid – resists unleashing some inhumane high-notes, or skyrocketing into inflated melisma, or ending in her typical vocal-firework finale. So even if the head-lingering sexified single, co-written by The-Dream and produced by C. "Tricky" Stewart (the duo behind Rihanna's "Umbrella"), doesn't sweep any anti-lambs (her term for "fan") off their hooves, its breezy beat, flirty lyrics and Mimi's restrained vocals = success2. B+
Janet Jackson
"Rock With U"
Don't dig what Janet Jackson's done for you lately? To reference her troubled brother: "You Are Not Alone." You've been sulking. You've contemplated writing a letter to J.J.: "Ms. Jackson, come back to me. I miss your crunk beats that don't constantly exploit your sex obsession." Dormant fans can live again knowing that – if electro fuzzed-out "Feedback" and naughty, totally-gay "Rock With U" are any sign – Janet's (finally!) got her groove back so far on singles from "Discipline" (due Feb. 26). Employing robotic background vocals, video-game-sounding keyboards and enough "oohs" to make Mariah jealous, club-made "Rock With U" completely caters to Janet's gay-guy gaggle. Her dirty lyrics – "Let's reverse/Talk with your body/Don't say anything at all/I want to rock with you" – wouldn't score her first-prize at a poetry slam, but (pleeease!) be happy we don't get another silly, barf-worthy line like one from "Feedback": "My swag is serious/Something heavy like a first-day period." Ew. And even if the hot-to-trot tease can't seem to shake bathroom-wall come-ons in her lyrics, at least we'll wanna rock with her. B-
The Road Less Traveled
Sheryl Crow
"Detours"
Sheryl Crow's still pushing pressing issues and dealing with life's potholes, but "Detours" is definitely no winding road. Now, she's more vocal about them (thanks, Karl Rove!), turning the smooth magnum opus into a multi-year diary chronicling her cancer battle, her Lance Armstrong break-up and her leftist ideals. Musically, she also takes an alternate route – well, one she's bypassed since her 1993 debut, on which she worked with producer Bill Bottrell (who she reunited with for "Detours"). Paved in deep thought – No war! Free gas! Fuck Bush! – the message-mongering album finds Crow imagining fuel costing nada ("Gasoline"), trying to scream away her cancer ("Make It Go Away") and candidly admitting (gays, take note): Marriage fucks up relationships ("Diamond Ring"). Sharp pop-leanings infiltrate polished amour-anthem "Love is Free" and pacificism-plea "Peace be Upon Us," a definite detour for Crow, who duets with Arabic vocalist Ahmed Al Hirmi. "Out of Our Heads," a rhythmic winner boasting schoolyard chants, punctuates a fetching, upbeat political string of songs, which launches with the low-fi Bush-bashing "God Bless This Mess." Then, Crow dips into a tamer, less-illusive state, but it's no dead end. "Diamond Ring" shines with fiery anguish, the title-track beats the heart with a hammer, and then she plays a game of waterworks with us on "Lullaby for Wyatt," a tender ode to her adopted son. Who wins? Crow does. A-
Missy Higgins
"On a Clear Night"
That numbness? That's just arresting-vocalist Missy Higgins yanking your heart out on "Where I Stood" – then hammering it into a bed of nails. Jealousy. Anger. Regret. She pours them all into the immediately-catchy set launcher, a misty-eyed melodious lament where the protagonist self-condemns screwing up a relationship, especially now that her ex-man – or ex-woman (she's admitted to being bi) – found someone else. The Aussie's sophomore album, "On a Clear Night" (out Feb. 26), a sure-fire smash Down Under, is a whimsical, often-melodic mix of bereaved ballads ("Forgive Me," "Where I Stood") and hope-saturated songs ("Going North," "Sugarcane"). Nothing really rivals high-bar-setting "Where I Stood," but set-closer "Forgive Me" – with its eerie echo and acoustic vibe – stands right behind it. B
Baby Dee
"Safe Inside the Day"
Trying to wedge Baby Dee's music into a particular niche would be like ignoring updates on Britney Spears: Won't happen. Shifting among Baroque, romantic, classical and ballads that would fit perfectly into a Broadway musical, the transgender poet, songwriter, circus performer and do-it-all musician transcends genres – and vocal styles – on her third album, "Safe Inside the Day." The New York-based performer draws from British folk tradition and cabaret, blending her not-easily-digestible tone with a theatrical and poetic hybrid. It doesn't always work. What she does ace are the tender Tori Amos-like lullabies: "You'll Find Your Footing," an eerie beauty, and the effing gorgeous instrumental track "Flowers on the Tracks." The wacky novelty – and attention-jolting references to poop and pee – of loungy "Big Titty Bee Girl (From Dino Town)" wears quicker than ice cubes in boiling water, but then again, Baby Dee, who once played the harp in a bear costume in New York's Central Park, knows best: Somethings just aren't for everyone. C+
Various artists
"Juno"
Stripped of hip, indie gems, "Juno" still would've been a fab coming-of-age flick. But that animated intro where the title character simply walks around chugging a bottle of SunnyD? It wouldn't have stuck without the be-bopping, analogy-laden "All I Want Is You." And the smile-worthy ending? It wouldn't exist. Not without The Moldy Peaches' cleverly-written sing-along ("Here is the church and here is the steeple/We sure are cute for two ugly people"). While Cat Powers' dreamy version of "Sea of Love" and Belle & Sebastian's lyrically-deft "Piazza, New York Catcher," a commentary on sexual orientation, are repeat-worthy, Kimya Dawson owns the album. The front-woman of The Moldy Peaches tackles six songs with bons mots, appropriate since the flick relies so heavily on them, and sly lyrical-stylings: "Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead," she quips in a childish tone on "Loose Lips." Deeper into the song she unexpectedly bashes: "I'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation/And I'll say, 'fuck Bush and fuck this war.'" Amen, girl! B+
