Fritz Helder & the Phantoms, 'Greatest Hits: Platinum Edition'
A night with Fritz Helder & the Phantoms might get you in trouble: "Coke and crack and all that shit, taking a hit, making it quick." That's the kind of debauchery you'd encounter during their wild party, the premise of the Toronto quartet's debut (who knows what the heck that title means) – a zippy '80s-leaned pop piece (they've got a keytar!) that's fashioned with outside influences in check. What's described as an all-access pass to New York or Paris Fashion Week is definitely an electro-charged, very gay night on the town, a ceaseless uptempo shake-it set that wraps, before a trio of remixes, with a wind-down ditty – the folksy "Like a Lady." But before last call, the foursome – fronted by the out Fritz Helder – launches the good times with "All Over the Place," a poppy pleasure-dome of laser-beamed effects on which he clones Prince. A mess of healthier-than-coke addictions follow: "Making a Scene," a speak-sing song borrowing B-52s kitsch, and hyper-dance "Work It," a head-clingy, catwalk-ready riot. Then there's the novelty number "Sex Robot," vocodering the hell out of Helder's already-processed voice as he boasts about making you feel good. See, he's trouble.
Grade: B
Holly Williams, 'Here With Me'
When Holly Williams is sad and wants to get away, she runs to a strange French lad for a three-day fling. That kind of 'fess-up – is she really pro-hook-up? – isn't what you'd expect from a country gal, but "Three Days in Bed" is a thrill-seeking lament about being invigorated by wine, cigarettes, a stranger and, well, you know. After her quiet 2004 debut, Williams, a relative of the Hank Williams lineage, peps up her alt-country sophomore LP – one of the year's best – by thanking mom on the sincere divorce ditty "Mama" and throwing in some sassy swagger on "Keep the Change." Williams' sweet, husky voice is a raw, sometimes-cracked dazzler that conveys every molecular emotion in her oft-heartbreaking and always dynamic songs, the best being "Gone With the Morning Sun," "Alone" and a cover of Neil Young's "Birds." Even when she's going all Carrie Underwood on us with her savior-ode "Without Jesus Here With Me," she avoids corny. It helps that the near-death flashback is based in truth, much like the entire album. And on it, she wears her beaten, lonely heart so far down her sleeve that it might just roll right off.
Grade: A-
Also Out
Noah, 'Human Geometry'
He's a classically trained crooner – and might take it lying down if you prefer. So he says factiously on "Would You," one of many synthy dance songs – helmed by Italian producer Monsieur Adi – on the 22-year-old Canadian's debut that won't insult your intelligence (see Black Eyed Peas review below). His theatrical-toned vocal skills are showcased best during the disc's last half, but the beginning of "Human Geometry" is crafted pretty squarely. (Available on iTunes)
Jonas Brothers, 'Lines, Vines and Trying Times'
Whichever one in the Disney teeny-bopper trifecta you think is cuter, let's all agree on this: Their generic pop-rock on this "mature" outing makes us miss Hanson. At least they had better hooks. And voices. And no Miley Cyrus, who offers up her, ah, "talent" on "Before the Storm," which might be the worst Rascal Flatts song that Rascal Flatts never made. Some of the other ballads aren't bad – or not "as" bad as the rest of the album.
The Black Eyed Peas, 'The E.N.D.'
If the energy never dies – like the acronymically-titled fifth LP from the electropop group claims – why start now? In need of a jolt – or, dare I say, punch – most of the dancefloor dumb-dumbs loop lyrics that never deserved to be heard in the first place. Only a few of the less-stupidified tracks got that "Boom Boom Pow" – like said single and infectious follow-up, "I Gotta Feeling." The rest will make you forget you have an IQ.
