I Now Pronounce ‘Chuck & Larry’ C-R-A-P

By |2007-11-15T09:00:00-05:00November 15th, 2007|Entertainment|

INFO BOX
‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’
Universal Studios
Available on DVD now
D-

MOVIE Just imagine: a These-Movies-Suck-Ass Pride Parade. Leading it? “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” an unfunny, PC-messaged bore that doesn’t offer us any reason to woo-hoo (!). That is, unless your thing is gas-passing jokes and seeing people get wedged in toilets. Or the use of every stereotype – Gays only like Cher! And The Village People! – in the Queer Bible. Meanwhile, the rest of us’ll just wish the latest ridiculous Adam Sandler comedy-wannabe, with low jabs at Asians and alleged fart-fire-starting fat men, stayed in some porcelain bowl. With the lid shut.
The kind-of sort-of story – Larry (Kevin James), a widower with two kids, faces benefit losses unless he marries again – could’ve worked if it wasn’t written like some lame and long disparaging “Saturday Night Live” skit. Which, with its one joke – Larry weds straight pal Chuck, both firemen, and the two pretend they’re gay – it’s pretty damn close to looking like a two-hour comedy sketch.
Worst part? It’s not even hardy-har-har fare. Sure, Ving Rhames scores as a mincing queen, in a funny bit where he croons “I’m Every Woman” while showering with his fellow firefighters, but he’s the only spark – fitting title for a flamer, yeah? – of hope still burning in this often-crude comedy. Supporting parts from Steve Buscemi, as a nosy inspector, and Rob Schneider, whose lame Japanese-Jewish officiant shtick is sour, offer little but ignorance. Meanwhile, cameo-after-cameo – including those by gay Lance Bass and straight-playing-gay Dave Matthews – are just ludicrous.
And then when, in the final third, the film toots its message louder and louder – being gay is OK! – it’s way, way too late to offer up a smidgen of forgiveness for this flick. By then, most comedy fanatics will have pronounced “Chuck & Larry” dead on arrival.
EXTRAS Flatulence-filled bloopers. Blah behind-the-scenes snippets. All lame-o!

‘Elton 60: Live at Madison Square Garden’

(Island/Mercury)
Heya, Elt. It’s Chris; ya remember? Yep – gay. That’s me. It’s been a while, I know. Just wanted to tell ya: “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” still makes me curl into the fetal position. I know, I know – Mary J. poured soul into it, and Fantasia did a pretty damn good job, too – but, Elt, my Maltese arm hairs still stand on end with repeat plays of it on this rad, super-long live DVD. And then, as I sifted through the “Live, Rare & Unseen” disc, you left me in waterworks with yet another (!) performance of that tear-inducing tune – from 1976! No-no-no. Don’t say you’re sorry. I know – it’s the hardest word.

‘Transtasia’

(TLA Releasing)
Move over, Miss America. There are some other misses moving in – and they were once men. Vegas-set “Transtasia” is a behind-the-scenes peek at the first-ever “World’s Most Beautiful Transsexual Pageant.” At times heartbreaking and at times laugh-out-loud funny, the docu-DVD (extras include: glamour shots, alternate openings) featuring male-to-female beauts might just give those Miss America hopefuls a run for their money.

‘Driftwood’

(Image Entertainment)
Prone to the heebie-jeebies? Steer clear of “Driftwood,” an eerie chiller about a death-obsessed teen who’s sent to an “Attitude Adjustment Camp for Troubled Youth” run by a crazy captain. Out director Tim Sullivan calls the shots – and Lin Shaye, alum from the gory camp-fest “Snakes on a Plane” (is this really a selling point?), stars.

About the Author:

Chris Azzopardi
As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, GQ, Vanity Fair and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.