At the Altar of Equality: Michigan Religious Leaders Vow to Protect Same-Sex Marriage
Faith leaders stand firm in face of renewed threats
When Kent and Diego Love-Ramirez exchanged vows at the MSU Alumni Chapel in 2007, their ceremony wasn't legally recognized by the state of Michigan, but it was sanctified by something far more enduring — their faith. Standing before family, friends and their pastor, they made promises that transcended legal documents.
"Our faith is deeply tied to our connections with our family," Diego told Pride Source. "Both Kent and I had our sisters as members of our wedding party standing with us and our parents both walking us down the aisle."
Today, such ceremonies aren't just acts of faith but legal unions, thanks to the 2015 U.S. Supreme Court Obergefell decision that affirming congregations across Michigan have embraced for nearly a decade. In sanctuaries from Detroit to Midland, clergy have proudly officiated LGBTQ+ weddings, weaving together religious traditions with the newly won legal rights of same-sex couples.
But as legislative threats to marriage equality resurface across the country, Michigan's affirming religious leaders aren't backing down. Instead, they're doubling down on their commitments to love, inclusion and the sacred right of all couples to marry in the faith communities that nurture them.
In February, Michigan State Rep. Josh Schriver (R-Oxford) introduced a resolution calling upon the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn its 2015 decision. While the speaker of the house killed the resolution, it echoed other GOP lawmakers around the country.
Bishop Bonnie A. Perry, the bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Michigan, dismissed Schriver’s actions as political theater designed to frighten people.
“Same-sex marriage has been the law of the land for more than a decade,” Perry said. “The vast majority of Americans support it and I’m certainly not going to change any of our practices, except to become even more vocal and to be very clear that in the Episcopal Church, we welcome all and we are a place of compassion, inclusion, care and justice. If people want to make lifelong, monogamous commitments, then we’re here to support that, because that just builds up all families.”
When Kent and Diego got married, they "were very fortunate that we had a pastor who we knew well preside over our ceremony," said Diego.
Rev. Roger Pancost leads the United Church of Christ Midland, a congregation that has been openly affirming for 20 years. They once shared their sanctuary with a branch of the Metropolitan Community Church, an organization committed to providing a safe space for LGBTQ+ people. That association inspired them to officially undergo the two-year UCC process of becoming an affirming church, which they did in 2004.
“I started here before marriage equality became the law of the land, but it was already known in the area that we were a welcoming church,” Pancost said. “On a semi-regular basis, I was getting phone calls from same-gender couples wanting weddings that weren’t legal by the state but were blessed by the church. I did many commitment services.”
After Obergefell, the church regularly held ceremonies at the end of worship services where the entire congregation could support couples as they made legal what was already real.
Pancost said nothing is going to stop them from continuing to perform same-sex marriages, even if the courts change their rulings.
“What I do find is that it brings a different level of pastoral care,” Pancost said. “Some of our same-gender couples are very concerned about what’s going on in the larger society as far as wanting to revoke this right they’ve had for a decade now. I find I just need to be supportive of people.”
Rev. Dr. Roland Stringfellow, senior pastor and teacher at Metropolitan Community Church - Detroit, said the current political climate has many people justifiably concerned.
“We are now seeing all sorts of protocols and norms being broken and things that we thought were never going to happen are happening,” Stringfellow said. “There is a genuine concern that they are targeting people who are in same-sex marriages. Could we lose our tax status or some of the things we have come to take for granted?”
He stresses that all rights are intertwined and the large target on the back of trans people is something the entire community needs to be concerned about. Also, Stringfellow points out, racism is back in vogue and being legalized.
“Marriage is definitely a part of it, and the difference between now and then when we were fighting for marriage is that we weren’t also trying to fight for our people,” Stringfellow said. “That dystopian image from the television show ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ where the main character, June, tries to get cash out and her ATM doesn’t work anymore: We’re in a place now where it’s leaning in that direction for the LGBTQ [community] — particularly trans [people] — and people of color and women.”
Stringfellow said same-sex marriages are at risk because people are using fascist, Christian nationalist ideology to justify coming after those they oppose. It’s something, he said, that has been in the works for 40 years and goes far beyond Donald Trump or Elon Musk. Stringfellow drew connectiong between James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and white supremacy.
“That is what we’re seeing being played out now,” Stringfellow said. “There seems to be so many who adhere to that type of theology that is so warped and twisted. …They’ve gotten into bed with Republican operatives to create what we see now. This is not just about religion. It’s about power and control.”
Stringfellow said that during the Civil Rights era, some Black clergy stayed out of the fight, insisting it safer to keep their heads down and stay out of trouble.
“For myself, an out gay pastor, that has never been my call,” Stringfellow said. “Once I knew that God had accepted and loved me, that gave me a boldness to stand on the street corner and to stand up for immigrant rights and trans rights and water justice and the like. One of my joys of being a pastor is helping reconnect people with the God who they thought despised them and let them know that it’s so far from the truth. They have been beautifully and wonderfully made in God’s image. You’re not a mistake.”
Raised in the Catholic Church, Kent and Diego said they were surrounded by loving and supportive people, including affirming priests. It was only when the Catholic church became loudly vocal in its opposition to same-sex marriage that they left the church. Even so, they held on to the faith that was important to them and it was reflected in their wedding.
“We structured it on what would be considered a traditional ceremony, but we made it our own,” Kent said. “We did have Bible readings. We lit a unity candle, which is traditional in faith-based services. We even had a priest who took us through the traditional pre-marriage counseling prior to the ceremony. We wanted it to be as close to what we would have been able to do had we been married in the Catholic Church.”
Kent and Diego said they’ve been having a lot of candid conversations with their support network and age-appropriate ones with their 10- and 14-year-old children.
“We have been letting them know that if they’re hearing things regarding our legal marriage being threatened, that we’re always a family no matter what and that wouldn’t change,” Kent said.
They moved to Minneapolis so that their marriage would be legal, moving back to Michigan only after Obergefell. They said they don’t know what they will do if it gets overturned and Michigan goes back to the constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman.
“We hope that day doesn’t come, especially as our family has put down roots and has a beautiful network of family and friends,” Kent said. “But our family is first, so we’ll do whatever we need to do to protect us.”
Diego said the nagging question about whether their relationship will be invalidated legally engenders an emotional response. The debates are insulting.
“Our relationship has been founded on some very true ideals that are very dear to both of us,” Diego said. “Our history together has outlasted many, many relationships in our lives. We are raising two boys who are very well-adjusted and it is somewhat exasperating to have these things put in question time and time again. Through the way we live our lives, we’ve shown that we’ve lived by our values and we see that in our children as well.”
Bishop Perry is a member of Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s LGBTQ+ Commission. At a recent meeting they were discussing the attacks on same-sex marriage, characterizing it as “bigoted, cruel political theater that is meant to stir up fear and division. It’s part of a broader agenda to strip LGBTQ+ folks of our fundamental rights. It’s about a group of people’s desire to create division and fear, and to put people on the outside — and that is fundamentally anti-Christian. It also strikes me as falling way short on a moral compass, but particularly in Christianity.”
Despite a challenging political climate, Perry warns against rushing into a marriage out of fear. She and her wife have been together for 36 years and she stresses that marriage is hard work.
“Don’t jump into a marriage because you’re afraid you’re going to lose the right unless you’re up for a lifelong, monogamous commitment,” Perry said. “Getting married because you’re afraid — that’s not the point. We get married because we’re in love and we understand that a lifelong, intimate relationship is amazing and takes a lot of work.”
Perry, who had a hope and love blessing ceremony with her wife before same-sex marriage was legal, said that the blessing of a community provides invaluable support for those getting married.
“The thing I say to all couples, queer or not, it’s not about the wedding,” Perry said. “It’s about the marriage. The wedding will be fun, but it’s about the day in and the day out. And it takes more than what we see in the average rom-com, but it gives more than we are ever going to see on the big screen.”
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