They say gays are everywhere. In our schools. In our churches. In our very own backyards. And when they're back there, they're usually taking a whiz on a dead bush or flirting with the next-door neighbor.
These gays, however, have four legs – and they're likely smaller than you. They're cats, dogs and guinea pigs, and we spoke to their owners about them and their love of watersports, of each other, and of Alec Baldwin. Yeah, we know they say it's not nice to talk about someone behind their back, but could you imagine the interviews had we not?
Sharkey
Stats: A cream-colored French Bulldog. A rescue from the Midwest Small Breed Rescue in Grosse Pointe; exact age unknown (vet's guess: 2 and a half). Named after Martha Stewart's little white Frenchie.
What are some of Sharkey's gay tendencies?
Sharkey enjoys something special that my partner, Paul, and I have dubbed "Pee-Pee Time." He literally just kicks back, spreads his legs and strums away with his limp little paw, kind of banjo-like. Being a gay male dog, it's really no surprise that he is fascinated with his business.
Sharkey, like many of us in the gay community, also likes to be charitable. He raised nearly $500 in pledges last spring at the Michigan Humane Societies Mutt March at the Edsel & Eleanor Ford House.
How did you know he was gay?
Sharkey has a thing for dressing up. Whether it's his gay pride, or an HRC collar or just a seasonal bandana, he gets super excited when you are about to put it on him.
Who's his celebrity pet crush?
Kathy Griffin's dog, Larry, because he's Kathy Griffin's dog.
As a pet owner, what's the best part of having a gay animal?
Most good parents know that having a gay child is a blessing for a multitude of reasons. Owning a gay animal is a blessing, too. Think about it: Dogs live to make us happy; we are their world. A gay dog works even harder to make their owners happy because that's how we gays roll. Perfectionists that we are, we've got to over-do everything!
What else about Sharkey should we know?
While Sharkey is out of the closet, he loves to go back in now and again. What I mean by this is he likes to burrow into things – whether it's under his blanket or inside the covers of one of his dog beds.
Also, Sharkey was found downriver in September of 2009 and had a horrible cherry eye that required surgery. While the surgery was successful, he requires a special compound dropped into his eye twice a day. This compound is made by only two companies. Go figure a gay dog would be so high maintenance!
– David Paul Rudzinski, St. Clair Shores
Shadow and Tyger
Stats: The cats look just like brothers even though they're not related. They've been in the family since they were three-weeks old, when their mothers abandoned them. They're now 12.
What are their gay tendencies?
Shadow is way more femme than Tyger is, but Tyger is the definite "bottom" when it comes to their more "intimate" moments. They do everything together. The minute one gets up the other does, too. They clean each other, play together, fight like lovers… and then make up like lovers. We've often walked into the room to find one on top of the other and then we get the "can we get some privacy, please?" look from them. It's just all too cute.
What's the best part of having gay cats?
They are our babies. We're blessed to have them in our family, and we couldn't see our lives without them – especially Shadow. He and I have a deep bond. He has pulled me through some of my darkest times as I've battled my illness. Every time I come home from the hospital he's right there waiting for me and won't leave my side for anything.
What else should we know about them?
Funny thing about Shadow: He's even jealous of my partner, and we've have been together for 23 years!
– Gina Driggers, Macomb County
Jasmine
Stats: Jasmine, 10, is a F2SF (female-to-spayed-female) post-op lab/pointer.
How do you know Jasmine's gay?
I think Jasmine is butch; she likes to "run around" with other males, but only as friends. And just try to put makeup on her!
Jasmine wears four rainbow wristbands with pride, but not through puddles. Jasmine likes cats. She is afraid of large birds, but kind of fascinated with male peacocks. She loves the mailman. Platonically, I assume.
When did you know?
When my wife and I lived in Hampton Beach, N.H., we discovered that Jasmine loves to skinny dip in the ocean, and bury balls. That was only an ambiguous clue. She really came out when we moved to Cape Cod, of course. But we knew for sure when she licked – on the face – most of the many LGBTs at my church in Michigan.
Jasmine's favorite word is "out." The mere whisper of the word excites her. She dreams about being out, she likes to go out, and she likes the sound of the word… basically her reality is all about out.
Who is Jasmine's celebrity pet crush?
Jasmine likes "Dog Whisperer," especially when Cesar Millan makes that "ttt" sound. Clearly, she wants to be submissive, and so I oblige her by being dominant. She wears a metal choke collar at all times.
– Steve Duerksen, Kalamazoo
Emma and Esmay
Stats: Two guinea female pigs living together till the day they die in a cage that's falling apart (but safe).
What are the guinea pigs' gay tendencies?
They like to cuddle one another, hide together and squeak.
Who is their celebrity pet crush?
Miss Piggy. Gals have got to stick together. Pigs are usually getting bad raps for being stinky and unclean creatures when they should be lavished in pearls and furs.
What's the best part of having gay guinea pigs?
These gals struggle and stay together. Esmay has a weird foot problem and Emma is overweight. They can look past that without hurting one another. I get so much love and attention from these small creatures, and I'm happy knowing they found a mate in one another.
How old are they?
Ladies don't reveal their ages.
– Frank Vaca, Potterville, Mich.
Barney, Frankie and Oliver
Stats: Straight, bisexual and transgender, respectively. Barney is a male Maine Coon mix; Frankie is small muted calico; and Oliver is a purebred Persian that, while born male, had a recurring urinary tract infection that began to damage his kidneys. He underwent an operation to reroute his urinary tract system to outwardly resemble that of a female, including amputation of the essential boy parts.
What are some of their gay tendencies?
Barney is groomed by the other two. Frankie and Oliver are best friends, and have cuddled together since Frankie was a kitten. Now that Frankie has reached sexual maturity, Oliver still cuddles and dotes on her but now tries to mate with her, despite his loss of "essential parts." And Frankie, in frustration, will sometimes mount Oliver. Imagine that: the littlest one, a female, mounting the larger, M2F transgender one. So I'm not really sure if that makes Frankie bisexual, lesbian or omnisexual. Barney continues to tolerate all behavior – except Frankie trying to mate with him!
How did you know they were gay?
Oliver is a fashionista and very conscientious about personal hygiene. At first I thought Frankie loved everybody because she had been rescued from the streets, but it turns out that she truly does love everybody!
Who is their celebrity pet crush?
Oliver will sit and watch the movie "Dogs and Cats" nearly without blinking, so I think he has the hots for Alec Baldwin.
As a pet owner, what's the best part of having LGBT animals?
Life is infinitely more complicated and entertaining!
– Christine Rainey, Northville
