With the increased ability and willingness of same-sex couples to adopt and have children has come an increasingly pressing need to address the issues of same-sex parenting – not just on a case-by-case basis, but with comprehensive statewide legislation.
In the past, it was generally understood (though not contested) that even if a couple raised children together, the adoptive or biological parent was the only one with legal standing. Without any official recognition of the relationship between the two parents, when a same-sex couple broke up, one person has always been left behind with the hope that their ex-partner will allow them to still be a part of the children's lives.
But things are changing. Several states have marriages, civil unions or domestic partnerships available to LGBT citizens. More and more same-sex couples are getting married – whether or not their state recognizes it. And more and more are raising families together – with or without the ability to gain legal standing for both parents. With so much disagreement between states and courts, there are large gaps in legislation about who is considered a "parent."
Since the rights of same-sex couples depend on what state they live in, their rights as parents differ as well. In Michigan, this means that any biological parent, regardless of how much their partner was part of their children's lives, can pretty much decide on a whim to allow or prohibit visitation rights. It means that gay and lesbian Michiganders can (and do) actually use the laws meant to discriminate against them to exact revenge, or use children as a means of leverage to get what they want, or to simply be selfish and completely exclude the "other parent" from seeing their children.
Imagine it this way: One day, you're a happy mother or father, not even considering the fact that you're not a "real" parent. The next, your partner picks up and leaves with the kids and tells you that you can't ever see them again. And there's nothing you can do about it.
Nothing.
Renee Harmon went through that exact experience, and now she and her attorneys are trying to do something to change things.
For Renee, the most important thing in the world is to be able to see her kids again. To her, this isn't about marriage rights. It's about the rights of a person who, beyond the bond of blood, has been more of a mother to her children than many legally recognized parents are. It's about giving her kids their mother back.
On the converse side, biological parents bear all the responsibility. The non-biological parent can decide to leave whenever they want and wash their hands of their children. No child support. No legal responsibility. No method of rectification.
Children are being caught in the middle of these battles. They're being made to wait in limbo while a judge decides what is and isn't a parent. If we had proper legislation in place to address this, there would be no question as to whether someone like Renee Harmon is a parent. The rights of non-biological parents must be protected and the responsibilities must be evenly distributed, too.
Renee Harmon didn't give up when she was told that there was nothing she could do. And neither should we as a community.
A parent isn't just someone who creates you; it's someone who raises, nurtures and loves you. Anyone – be they for or against LGBT rights – can understand that. We need to get the message out that this isn't about making same-sex couples happy; it's about giving kids what they need.
