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Parting Glances: Are you being, er, served?

Two expressions hop to mind while watching the media circus that strikes up the band around Michael Jackson's moon walk: "it's in the stars" and "it's in the lap of the gods."
For PG readers with an astrological bent (or a penchant for heavenly lap sitting — with or without benefit of tunic), the following expert opinion from Vedic astrologer Curtis Burns (starworldnews.com) may help to put minds at rest about the trial's outcome.
"In the larger Vedic cycles [Hindu astrology]," he writes, "Michael Jackson is closing out his Mercury major period, having just entered a Saturn/Rahu sub-period. Mercury in [his] chart is only of moderate dignity, and it is combust the Sun (washed out in the Sun's rays), and also it is aspected by Saturn, the bringer of difficulties. Mercury is [his] planetary ruler of the house of children, the fifth house."
It figures.
(It's been my experience that my Saturn/Rahu sub-periods have been most trying — especially at leather clubs — and my own Sun combust, without adequate sunscreen protection, has been a damned nuisance at nude beaches. As for my astrological fifth house: the plumbing just doesn't work.)
Another time-honored saying: "There's nothing new under the sun." And almost 60 years ago tennis champion William "Big Bill" Tilden (1893-1953) had his "big" day in court on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor — a teenage prostitute — for which indiscretion (love: no win) Tilden served seven months of a one-year sentence.
Then as now, America was "shocked" (though less so in Mr. Jackson's case — after all the handwriting was crayola'd on the playpen walls). Tilden's fame, fortune, and career petered out like a pink shooting star.
As for fame: Tilden was the first American to win England's highly coveted Wimbleton men's singles championship (1920). He repeated that feat again in 1921 and 1930. Big Bill also won seven U.S. Open Championships, seven clay court titles, and six doubles titles. A superb theorist, he headed America's Davis Cup Team for 10 years, leading it to victory for the first seven.
As an amateur player (1912-1930) he won 138 of 192 tournaments and racked up a match record of 907 wins, 62 losses: a wowsome .936 winning percentage. (So says my research. I know nothing about tennis — only that lesbians, for some unaccountable reason of genetically induced euphoria, are mad about it.)
Tilden earned $500,000 from several tours, lavishly spending his playboy earnings. He was Hollywood's sports idol, friend of Charlie Chaplin, Errol Flynn, and Greta Garbo. He also acted, playing Shakespearian roles and the lead in "Dracula." (An ominous choice.)
Tilden's gayness was contagious gossip, as was his penchant for befriending teenagers. (A March 17, 1922 issue of The Denver Times — perhaps with an underhand editorial serving — carried a drawing of Tilden attentively coaching a teenager. Caption: "Tilden has taken a keen interest in the boy.")
In 1949 Tilden was nabbed again for "importuning" a 16-year-old hitchhiker. He served 10 shamefaced months of another one-year sentence. With that his tennis racket came unstrung. He pawned trophies to exist and lived in flop houses. Shunned by all, he died alone and sadly forgotten.
A final Vedic charting from astrologer Burns on Michael Jackson is worth name dropping at Sunday brunch or church: "The greater Ketu cycle for seven years could send [him] to less-than-favorable places."
(Without latch keys or Coppertone 45.)

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