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Were I 50 years younger, and given a now wishful-thinking opportunity, I just might make a pass at Justin Bieber, troublesome idol turned born-again celebrity entertainer.
What has captured my foolish, libidinous attention is his bare-chest, tattoo-embellished, Instagram photo of himself devoutly reading an open Bible, spread invitingly across his young seductive lap, and comfortingly limber, new testimonial lower torso.
(There’s no question about it: it’s a novel way to read holy scripture; and for one and all to kneel in prayerful adoration and homage at the same time.)
The Justin Bieber image apparently has touched the lives of 95 million of his Instagram followers, of which, l confess in all honesty — as something of a free-thinking skeptic of his faith conversion — I am not a daily image recipient or, for that matter, a fan.
(Justin could, however, instagram me at anytime he wanted to. But that’s neither here nor there. As long as he does it without hymn singing or flexing his biblical biceps too long or too embarrassingly hard in my face.)
What I have done, however — in fairness to Bieber’s sincerity of conviction to have Jesus as his entertainment and moral ally (one presumes Bieber will tithe his music revenues accordingly) is to look closely at the biblical content, if any, of his tattooed chest and arms.
To that end, I have enlarged the intriguing Instagram photo several times, in hope of finding a Bible verse or two artfully woven, say around his nipples — indicating nourishment for the soul — or his belly button, indicating union to life-stimulating, uncompromising urges and energies of an earthy, somewhat cosmic nature.
Alas, skeptic that I am, I found nothing. (God knows I looked and looked. And, yes, I looked again. Not a verse. Not one hint of a carefully drawn proverbial camel going through the eye of a subliminal erotic needle. Or, crosses on a far-distant Mar-a-Lago golfing outback.)
I suppose it does speak well of Justin in the long run, however, in that he knows where to draw the line. Full Garden of Eden nudity, while traditionally biblical, is a bit too much. Even for him.
Size modesty is, with the exception of Trump, a sin-free virtue. Yet! A simple fig leaf just might put Justin Bieber in contemporary competition with Michelangelo’s Biblical hero David.
As the saying goes, heaven works in mysterious ways its wonders to perform; and a timely strategy from the Justin Bieber visual testimonial might work wonders for evangelical groups like the American Family Association.
The AFA is currently offering a step-by-step, six disc, $129.95 series, “How to Quit Porn for God and Country” for those of its members and others likewise addicted to the ages-old preoccupation with nudity and its eternal provocation to sin.
The AFA claims 500,000 were since saved from the hellfire of porn. Interestingly enough, recent social analysis of internet porn site usage all indicate higher than national average usage in those states comprising America’s Bible Belt of the South.
Perhaps Justin Bieber is on the right track to reaching America’s fastest-growing social media addicted populace. An open lap Bible. Semi-Nudity. And! Why not? Tattoos with Bible verses added. Adam and Bieber the Belieber. Amen!