Parting Glances: Then there was Marion

Just in case you're wondering — what with our blasted weather of late — tropical storms are named by the World Meteorological Organization six years in advance, alphabetically. After Wilma we're back to square A.
(The rumor that Rita was named for a celebrated Club Gold Coast bartender is unfounded. Said guy is sunny and serene as a June-bug day.)
Storms have been given women's names since 1953. Men's names, since 1979 — at the insistence of some share-the-blame, fair-minded women's groups. Now there's talk of officially honoring LGBT names of Mary, Bruce, Blanche, Butch, Trixxie, Grace and Will. But don't hold your minted breath.
Xena, an ideal dyke choice, is out, because the letters Q, U, X, Y, and Z aren't used. (Ursula would have been nice, too. You remember her? The Medieval saint who was martyred along with 11,000 other virgins. They all got spiritually deflowered by the Vatican a few years back, along with St. Christopher, whose penchant for hitchhiking rides from strangers was deemed too gay.)
The less said about Queenie, the better.
But the truth is that it's not really PC to name tropical storms after us. Too many Bible believers see hurricanes, tornadoes, dust storms, floods, locust plagues as God's temper tantrums about "special rights": job security, marriage and adoption equalities, DP benefits, and vacationing privileges in Key West, Palm Springs, Fire Island, and P-Town.
I don't mean to shift blame. After all, we gays are used to being name-called for a variety of societal ills, including Lion's poor football defense. But does it ever occur to these biblical Princess-Tiny-Meatheads that the real reason raging storms are belting our benighted coasts just might be because of America's misguided warmongering, costing thousands and thousands of lives, and billions and billions of dollars?
Speaking of costs: as of the first publicly released insurer survey last month, Hurricane Katrina resulted in personal and commercial property loss claims of $34.4 billion. Similar losses for Hurricane Andrew in 1992 were $20.8 billion. According to The New York Times "Book of Natural Disasters" things are going to get worse, cost wise.
"Now the atmosphere and ocean appear to have entered a new and more ominous hurricane phase. Some experts believe the turbulent stretch beginning in 1995 signifies a return to the 1940s, 1950s and 1960s, a period of high hurricane activity in the United States. If that is so, according to the federal study, the cost of damage wrought by hurricanes — already the most expensive natural disaster in America — could soar to new heights."
Rev. Marion "Pat" Robertson believes he's got the solution. The Christian Broadcast Network honcho and gay-bashing host of the TV 700 Club, claims prayer steered hurricanes away from his Virginia Beach (VA) headquarters. According to Marion "Pat", Hurricanes Felix and Gloria bypassed his flock by personal command.
"In the latter days, before the end of the age, the earth will be caught up in the birth pangs of a new order," he explains. "And for anybody who knows what it's like to have a wife going into labor [Pat: Will my cat do?] you know how these labor pains begin to hit. I don't have any special word that says this is that, but it could be suspiciously like that."
By the way, Pat: your Christian name has a suspicious "like that" ring to it. Don't be surprised if sometime sooner or later there's a hurricane called Marion staring you in the face. (Oh, yes: where were you when Katrina and Wilma needed an odd amen or two?)