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Patrick Wooden

By |2012-01-26T09:00:00-05:00January 26th, 2012|Opinions|

Creep of the Week

Holy shit. And I mean that literally. Because Patrick Wooden is both a pastor and a man whose imagination is wildly scatological, at least when it comes to the gays.
Wooden is a North Carolina pastor and an outspoken, to say the least, critic of LGBT rights. The American Family Association, National Organization for Marriage, and the Family Research Council all consider Wooden a good pal.
In an interview with anti-gay chattering heads Peter LaBarbera and Matt Barber on their Americans for Truth Hour radio show, Wooden made clear that he thinks gays are basically full of it.
“The God of the Bible made the human sperm, the God of the Bible designed it and it was not designed to be emptied into an area that is filled with feces, there is nothing for it to germinate with, it will most certainly mean the extinction of the human race,” Wooden said.
Hope you weren’t eating when you read that. But don’t worry. It gets worse.
“My belief is that if the medical community would just step forward and just would share with the American people what happens to the male anus, the problems that homosexuals have with their rectums, the damage that is done, the operations that are needed to sew up their bodies if you will, and how many of the men don’t even give these stitches time to heal before they are back out there practicing that wicked behavior,” he continued. “Some are bleeders, men who are not turned off by ingesting the feces of other men.”
Woah. Where to even start? First of all, the claim that anal sex will bring about the extinction of the human race is a little hyperbolic. Just a tad. I mean, if somehow people all over the world, gay and straight and everything in between, stopped any other form of sex then, sure, that might be an issue. But to even suggest that is going to happen takes a really big leap of faith and imagination. Then again, I think it’s pretty clear that Wooden’s imagination is very, well, active. “Bleeders” eating poo? Dude.
I also really think that the key words in Wooden’s comments are “my belief.” It is his belief that the medical community should “step forward” and “share” this anal fiction with America. As if there’s some huge underground anus operation cabal no one is talking about.
And speaking of truth, Wooden had more to spew: “If the truth was told, people would literally gag and no one would want to be in a lifestyle like that. Who wants to practice anything that is going to ultimately lead a grown man, about the time he’s in his 40s or 50s, or what not, having to wear a diaper or a butt plug just to be able to contain their bowels?”
Wow, how do you even respond to that? I mean, besides having gay men with healthy butts send photographic evidence to Wooden.

About the Author:

D'Anne Witkowski is a writer living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBTQ+ politics for nearly two decades. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.
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