By Jack Fertig
Don’t be shy, Capricorn!
Mars and Saturn are two tough planets – traditionally called the malefics – but they’re not so bad if you don’t mind a challenge. One hundred and twenty degrees apart, they’re in the most harmonious possible angle, so use Mars’ energy to rise to Saturn’s challenge!
ARIES (March 20 – April 19): If you’re looking for erotic adventure, try the construction-worker look, or maybe a domestic dominatrix. (“No! Not the spatula!!!”) If you prefer to stay home and reconsider issues of sexual integrity, that’s also a good thing!
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20): “Nice” is nice, but it ain’t always real, and you need “real.” Simple, honest communication could be too much to expect from others, especially in this season of pasteboard and tinsel displays. If your partner doesn’t understand, spell it out. Or stay by friends who get it.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20): Work smarter, not harder. Yeah, money is tighter than Dick Cheney’s sphincter, but you’re clever enough to make the most of your resources. Obsession is your enemy. Stop. Breathe. Think.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22): Renting “Bad Santa” should get you through this season. There’s an appropriate place for your dark humor and wicked creativity, but propriety kills the fun. If you must upset conventions, think ahead to the consequences.
LEO (July 23 – August 22): Seasonal nostalgia may rub you the wrong way. Perhaps a little psychic housecleaning to examine the source of that irritation is in order. Look critically at both the good and bad of holidays past, and see what you need to build a more positive present.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22): Your tongue is awfully sharp these days, but mercifully reticent. At some point you should express some of those wickedly iconoclastic notions. Just gauge your audience carefully, and when the time is right, hold nothing back!
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22): You’re in a two-year peak in a 30-year career cycle. Right now your shrewd ability to utilize resources is most important. Be respectfully forthright with your superiors and assume full authority over your own field.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21): Focus your energies and keep a clear eye on the long view. Everything seems a bit harder right now, so you want to try harder, but it would be smarter to take occasional breaks. Being better rested is more efficient!
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 20): Even you can get into dark and mysterious moods. This one has an erotic side to it, so include someone special in your withdrawal from the world. Whether it’s a therapeutic retreat or a fantasy indulgence – or both – is up to you!
CAPRICORN (December 21 – January 19): You enjoy the fruits of hard labor, so the fact that seasonal festivities feel like political efforts may work in your favor. Note the omissions on guest lists, and curry favor to your advantage. Don’t be shy, baby; work it!
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18): Your hard work may either inspire your bosses or make them nervous. Productivity is good, but it’s most important to stay in sync with your colleagues. Your teamwork skills are what will really get you ahead now.
PISCES (February 19 – March 19): Holiday cheer may not come too naturally this year. Working a party – especially volunteering at a multicultural event – will light up your menorah, and could even help you get your stocking stuffed.