Staying Safe on Queer Dating Apps: What to Know When Law Enforcement Enters the Chat

A Michigan Grindr sting highlights how LGBTQ+ people are still vulnerable to police entrapment. Here's how to stay safe — and why these tactics are nothing new.

Published: August 5, 2025 | Last Updated: August 8, 2025

In light of a controversial Michigan case now under appeal — where a gay man was convicted after engaging with a decoy profile on Grindr — the alarm has been raised: What does safety look like on dating apps when the risks aren’t just about personal harm, but potential entrapment by law enforcement?

The case centers on a sting operation in which officers, operating out of a hotel in Newaygo County in rural West Michigan, created a fake Grindr profile using photos of a 27-year-old male officer, claiming the persona — “Taylor” — was over 18 in order to access the platform. In the chat, the persona made a vague comment about needing to be “older than 15” to book a hotel room. The defendant, 38-year-old Evan Lakatos (he was 34 at the time of his arrest), with no prior criminal record, responded, “how rude of them” — a remark that ultimately became the linchpin of his conviction.

Meanwhile, against the taskforce’s own protocol, the officer drove most of the sexual conversation, repeatedly pushing for in-person meetups and suggesting alcohol. Despite over 100 exchanged messages, the conversation lacked any explicit intent to engage with a minor (a fact perhaps unsurprising given a deep forensic analysis of hundreds of thousands of communications in the defendant’s phone records that surfaced zero evidence he had ever sought contact with a minor). Dr. Robert Sidelinger, a communications expert at Oakland University who specializes in interpersonal communication including online communication and queer identity and relationships, said that the interaction looked like a typical adult gay male exchange — not the grooming scenario the police made it out to be.

Adding to the concern, officers treated culturally specific language like “daddy” and “boy” as evidence of predatory intent, ignoring their well-established meanings in queer spaces. The fake profile received more than 300 responses within 24 hours — highlighting the confusion such setups can cause, especially when signals about age are intentionally ambiguous.

Local attorney Rudy Serra — a former judge with 41 years of legal experience — has represented several clients in cases similar to Lakatos’s, where he believes no actual crime was committed. According to Serra, similar undercover operations likely happen more frequently than most people realize.

“It was distressing to hear about this case,” he tells Pride Source. “I do get calls still from people who are threatened with prosecution or the prosecution process has started. It costs money to hire an attorney to represent you, and it costs even more money to appeal. So a lot of the time, people will take a guilty plea offer that gives them some sort of advantage, like a lower sentence when, in my opinion, they didn't do anything that was illegal.”

LGBTQ+ legal experts and historians like Serra argue that sting operations without clear safeguards risk a return to a time when police commonly sought to criminalize queerness versus taking authentic steps to protect minors. Undercover stings like the one that Lakatos was caught up in represent a perfect storm of law enforcement overreach, cultural misunderstanding and the disproportionate targeting of LGBTQ+ spaces.

Whether you're swiping, chatting or planning a meetup, it’s essential to follow expert-informed, culturally aware safety guidelines — especially within a legal system that often fails to recognize the nuances of queer communication.

1. Be aware of vague or ambiguous age references.

Law enforcement stings often hinge on unclear age cues. If someone mentions being under 18 — even indirectly — exit the conversation immediately. Legal experts advise:

Don’t guess. If age is hinted at — “just a kid,” “still in high school” or “barely legal” — assume risk and disengage.
Ask directly or don’t proceed. You are within your rights to ask someone’s age before continuing. If the answer is under 18, block and report.

“Make a clear statement: I will not be meeting you if you're under age 18. I'm not interested in a minor. Clear, unequivocal language,” recommends Jay Kaplan, staff attorney for the ACLU of Michigan's LGBTQ+ Project. “Make it clear in that conversation, even if it's not with undercover cops.”

Even if you're not talking to law enforcement, your conversations can still be reviewed later — for example, if a minor’s parent discovers the exchange and turns it over to police as part of a legal investigation. Screenshot and document conversations if something feels off, especially if you disengage due to an age concern.

2. Understand that LGBTQ+ language can be misconstrued.

Terms like “daddy,” “boy” or “son” are part of queer adult vernacular — not literal references. But outside the community and especially in legal contexts like People v. Lakatos, these terms can be dangerously misinterpreted.

In his report, Sidelinger concluded that comments such as “Tell me more daddy” — sent by the decoy, who also baited Lakatos by saying “I hope you like younger boys,” to which he replied “I like younger” — are “not out of the ordinary in communicative exchanges between two gay men — especially exchanges that are flirtatious and sexually suggestive.”

“Understanding these communication nuances is essential to accurately interpret the communication thread between Mr. Lakatos and the decoy,” he wrote in his report.

Without cultural competency and clear protocols that officers actually adhere to, these stings don’t prevent the exploitation of minors — they just recreate the policing of queer desire. To that end, Kaplan says, “It just points out that you have to be so incredibly careful with online communications. It’s very unfortunate.”

To reduce the risk of misunderstanding, consider avoiding coded language when speaking with new or anonymous profiles — at least until age is clearly established and trust is built. Still, as Serra points out, using terms like “boy” or “daddy” isn’t inherently illegal.

“I haven't really heard recently about anyone who was arrested because they called a police officer daddy or a police officer called them daddy,” Serra says. “I'm sure it goes on. And they arrest people based on conversations, based on words that are exchanged between two people that are absolutely not illegal.”

Grindr Undercover Police Photos — Photos used by undercover police showing the torso of a 27-year-old police officer. Photos: Newaygo County Sheriff

3. Watch for inconsistencies in profiles.

Decoy profiles created by law enforcement are often inconsistent — claiming to be 15 but using adult photos, or listing age over 18 while implying otherwise.

Red flags include conflicting age indicators and dodging your questions.

“If there's any question in your mind, bring that question up,” Kaplan urges. “Make it absolutely clear that you're not going to engage with a minor.”

Serra emphasizes Kaplan’s suggestion if there’s any question someone may be a minor: “Volunteer that [information:] ‘I am not interested in hooking up with someone under the age of 16,’ and ‘I am not interested in anyone who wants to receive or send money or anything else of value in return for sex. This is totally voluntary.’ It's got to be consensual: ‘I'm going to request your consent for everything I do, and if you consent, then we can go ahead and assume that it's legal.’ But consent is the key, really.”

4. Understand your rights if arrested.

If you’re approached by law enforcement, whether online or in person, remember:

You do not have to speak without a lawyer.
Ask: “Am I free to go?” If yes, leave. If no, ask for a lawyer immediately.
Don’t consent to searches of your phone or home without a warrant.
Save messages and document everything.

Serra emphasizes that police sometimes misinterpret online conversations, leading to wrongful arrests. Often, people are targeted not for illegal actions, he says, but for lawful speech or interactions that officers mistakenly assume are criminal.

“They arrest people based on conversations, based on words that are exchanged between two people that are absolutely not illegal,” he tells Pride Source. “It is not a crime for a grownup to approach another grownup in public and ask that person if they are interested in going somewhere private and having sex. And yet people get arrested for that because the police don't know the law. They think that that's a crime. It never has been. We have a First Amendment, after all.”

His warning underscores the importance of knowing your rights and being cautious — especially in digital spaces where misunderstandings can escalate quickly into legal trouble.

5. Know the risk of talking to someone who ghosts their age.

Some dating and hookup apps, including Grindr, allow users to hide certain profile information — such as age — through features like "ghost mode." But according to Serra, this lack of transparency can put users at risk.

“I didn't even know that they had a way to hide your age,” he says, “but when word of that is more widely known, people are going to stop using it because they can't be sure that the other people on the app are grownups.”

In the Lakatos case, court documents from the appeal noted that the 27-year-old police officer used Grindr to lure the defendant, but had enabled the ghost mode setting to conceal his age. It’s important to remember that Grindr explicitly states it does not verify the date of birth beyond self‑reporting.

When reached for comment, reps at Grindr told Pride Source, “At Grindr, we are committed to upholding high standards of trust and user safety. Grindr has a strict policy prohibiting impersonation in any form. Any activity involving undercover stings, false identities or deception by third parties is in direct violation of this policy.”

Still, should apps like Grindr require age to be visible in order to protect users?

“If they're allowing people to hide their age, they would have to somehow strengthen the disclaimer at the beginning of the app or do something so that everyone is making a clear statement that they are over the age of consent,” Serra says. “And if they're not doing that, that's a real disservice to the people who use the app.”

This case underscores a critical gap in safety protocols on hookup platforms — especially when users can hide their age, a detail that, as seen in the Lakatos case, can carry serious legal and personal consequences.

6. If you’ve been targeted, you’re not alone.

People v. Lakatos is far from an isolated case — similar incidents have been happening for decades. LGBTQ+ individuals are frequently misunderstood in legal settings, and laws surrounding digital communication still haven’t caught up with queer realities.

In Serra’s report on the “Bag a Fag” operation — a slang phrase police were using in a series of undercover operations in the late ’90s, according to the former Triangle Foundation (now Equality Michigan) — he highlighted the systemic problems behind these tactics. In the report, titled "Police Misconduct, Entrapment and Crimes Against Gay Men,” Serra makes a point that remains relevant in today’s political climate: “A clear ongoing pattern of activity is evident in Michigan. This reflects a nationwide pattern. The number of undercover projects now operating tends to confirm an election year ‘tough on crime’ political motivation as well. This constitutes political persecution of gay men.”

“Sometimes there would be cops trying to catch people,” Kaplan recalls. “They knew they could make money from it. This person could [get] on the sex offender list, which we've been challenging over the years.”

Regarding Equality Michigan, Michigan's LGBTQ+ political advocacy group, Serra said, “one person told me that they had called and they were told we don't do that kind of stuff anymore. So I wonder exactly what they're doing when they get calls from gay men in particular who are being unfairly targeted and prosecuted.” 

According to Serra, the organization — when it operated as the Triangle Foundation — had once been more directly involved in supporting LGBTQ+ individuals facing police entrapment and similar forms of discrimination. 

When Pride Source reached out to Executive Director Erin Knott, she responded, “Police entrapment and the broader pattern of targeting LGBTQ+ people remain serious concerns — and they’re not just issues of the past.” 

“At Equality Michigan, we hear from individuals who have been impacted by law enforcement bias, and our Advocates for Community Empowerment (ACE) team works to connect them with the resources they need, including referrals to affirming defense attorneys. While police entrapment is not a central focus of our organization’s work, we take every inquiry seriously and strive to ensure people are supported.”

If you feel you’ve been entrapped or unfairly targeted:

Contact the ACLU and other LGBTQ+ legal advocacy groups like Equality Michigan
Seek therapy or peer support to process trauma
Know that you are not alone — and that support is available through lawyers like Serra

The reality is that being queer online comes with risks that straight people rarely have to think about. It's frustrating, and it's unfair. But the truth is, anyone who’s used a dating app — queer or not — has probably sent a message they wouldn’t want displayed on a giant screen in a courtroom. That kind of scrutiny can twist even innocent flirtation into something that looks very different.

Knowledge is power — and community is protection. Keep these tips in mind, trust your instincts, and remember that there are people fighting to make these spaces safer for all of us.