Dear Jody
Readers:
I've gotten many responses from readers regarding the lesbian woman, "Paralyzed," who got pregnant from a guy at a party (which appeared in the July 24 issue). She is in a relationship with a woman and they are having difficulties due to this event. The woman was quite possibly drugged. Understandably, her partner was upset and she questioned what to do about the pregnancy.
Response: As I was reading your response to the woman who met a man at a party and is now pregnant, it struck me to suggest she be tested for HIV, ASAP. Whether she was drugged or simply succumbed to the alcohol, a man who would take advantage of her in that way would show no consideration if he were also HIV-positive, or may not have known himself. Sadly, early detection will not
prevent HIV for her if she did contract it, but it's imperative that she take steps now to protect her baby…and her partner if they choose to stay together.
Can you please forward the suggestion to her?
Intake Specialist for AIDS Partnership MI
Response: I'm writing in response to the lesbian who got pregnant at a party because I agree with you, Jody, she was drugged with ecstasy. I was drugged by ecstasy myself, and I could have said the very same thing that she said about her experience. In my case, I found out who it was, and that he did drug me with ecstasy. I was at a mixed party (hets and gays) and a heterosexual guy apparently wanted to prove that I would change my sexuality if I just had one "good fuck." Well, when I got others to verify that he had done it, he ended up in jail. I hope the same for the jerk who pulled that on "Paralyzed."
Luckily, I didn't get pregnant, but it was traumatizing for me knowing that I had sex with a man – or just someone that I didn't choose to have sex with. I was also lucky in that I was able to prosecute this person. My advice to "Paralyzed" is to find out who that person was and try and make him pay for it. A person who drops stuff in your drink and then takes advantage of you is a loser and a coward.
Been There and Done That
Response: I'm a gay guy who, at one time, thought of myself as bisexual. I know now that it was because I needed to see myself as that way. I couldn't take it that I was gay. In fact, I had sex with as many women as I could to prove that I wasn't gay, even though I was constantly having sex with men at the same time. My point is, there are those kinds of guys, like myself, who will feel so bad about themselves – as I did – that they will have sex with women just to try and prove that they are not "gay."
I'm sorry to say that I had dropped ecstasy into women's drinks – and I think I tried to do it with lesbian women. The reason I did it with them was because I was intimidated regarding women. I figured that lesbians had less expectations. Het women would want more than I could give.
Guilty As Charged
Response: I think "Paralyzed" is trying to get someone else to take responsibility for her actions. The way I see it, she drank more than she should, tried to get us to think she didn't, then blamed her behavior on some guy. Sorry, but I don't buy it. Women have been trapping men for centuries; this is just a case of an old trick with a new take on it.
No Sympathy Here
Response: I'm wondering about the partner of "Paralyzed." I sure would hope that if I came home and that had happened to me my partner would understand and believe me. If there is not a certain amount of trust in a relationship, what the hell is there? Besides that, this is a time when she needs support and love. I say to the partner: Get with it and support your woman – and be happy for the baby!
Let's Support Her
