The Best Places in the World to Hook Up, According to Bisexual Sex Writer Zachary Zane

Zane's memoir, 'Boyslut,' is out this month

Switzerland (2023) — "Boyslut" author Zachary Zane in Switzerland. Courtesy photo

Published: May 2, 2023 | Last Updated: July 12, 2023

Sex writer Zachary Zane’s first book, “Boyslut,” wasn’t even on shelves when we recently connected, but the author was already thinking about his next.

“I might just transition more into sex travel,” says Zane, who has had sex in dozens of countries. “I would love for that to be a thing, where I could just travel the world, having sex in various countries and writing about my experiences.”

For now, think of “Boyslut” as an introduction to Zane, where the author lays the groundwork for his next essay collection. In his book debut, a self-proclaimed “memoir and manifesto,” he celebrates sex without shame as a “perpetually horny” polyamorous, bisexual man. Zane explores growing up with intrusive thoughts and guilt around sex, which manifested as OCD, where those thoughts cycled through his mind in vicious, unhealthy ways. Society’s shaming of queer sex didn’t help any. “My OCD was the ultimate drag queen — reveal after reveal,” he writes.

Though this is Zane’s first book, the Brooklyn-based author and columnist is a familiar name in the sex writer community. He currently has two columns, including “Sexplain It,” a sex and relationship advice column at Men’s Health, and “Navigating Non-Monogamy,” where he writes about his polyamory journey for Cosmo. Dan Savage has called Zane “one of the best sex writers working today,” and Billy Porter said he’s doing the “Lord’s work by promoting bi-visibility.”

In a recent interview, the “Boyslut” author mentioned people ask him all the time why he’s not on OnlyFans, thinking he’s some kind of “sex god.” “I’m not,” Zane says. “I have good sex. I enjoy it. I’m communicative. I’m open. I’m sexually shameless. I honestly think if you actually saw it, you'd be underwhelmed. I like when the words speak more. They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. We need an opposite phrase, where it’s ‘1,000 words is worth a 1,000 words.’”

What have you learned about the differences in sex culture from around the world?

It's underrated how much sex influences the dynamics of a culture and a society. I really do think it gives me a better sense of how people treat each other, how people view themselves, how people view their relationships. Is this a culture that tends to have more, let's say, discreet men? Is it a culture that tends to have more people that tend to be cheating than not cheating? Again, I don't want to stereotype an entire country based off of one person I had sex with there, but I do think it really can help you better understand aspects of a society in a country. That's pretty cool.

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Selfishly, I have to ask: Where are the hottest men?

I love Central and Latin America. I think also there's a lot more bi guys there, and there's certain cities and countries I've been to, where it's like, "Oh. If you are a top and masculine, you are straight," and I'm like, "Well, no. I think objectively not.” But there are certain cultures where it's honestly more accepted for men to have sex with men in that way, as long as they're top, dominant and masculine. I'm like, "Fine, you can be a dom, top and destroy me and call yourself straight. I don't give a fuck. I still came my face off." But I think I have the most fun in a lot of Central American and South American countries, sexually.

Also, the bi element of me… even if it's not even a super LGBTQ-friendly country, they still don't mind the fact that I'm effeminate. I don't know if they consider me metrosexual. I don't know if they're like, "Well, so many other guys in our culture are bi but fuck women, and they're considered straight," so I'm considered straight even though I fuck men quite often. I think really what I'm saying with all of this is I need to get my ass back to Colombia.

When were you last in Colombia?

Little over a year ago? It was my only time there, and I fucking loved the sex culture there. I loved the bi boys there. I loved the prostitutes there. There was also just a lot more queerness in Colombia and a lot in Central and Latin America.

Here, it's like we have gay bars. We have straight bars and very few in between, versus I'd go to gay bars and there'd be a lot more women there in a fun way, where either they're supporting their gay friends or they are themselves, and it wasn't as just strictly gay or straight. As a bi person, I actually like when women are in spaces as well. I enjoy that immensely and have a lot of fun, assuming they are queer women, faghags or whatever you want to call it.

Best hotel sex experience?

So this was in Colombia, where I went to this after-hours at 5, 6 a.m. It was just a strip club, but you can hire the sex workers, and literally, it's connected to a hotel, so then you can go and hook up in the hotel. I did that with a couple of sex workers. It was closing down at, like, noon. I'm just having sex with a sex worker, and she's like, "Do you want to stay up? I have more girls," so she took me to this hotel that was literally a sex hotel, where outside, I remember the security with guns, very prominent machine guns, and each room had a gate. So they all have those metal gates, and you go in. There's no one in there, and you have to call to get room service, and it comes through this little room, and it had a stripper pole, beds, condoms and a little jacuzzi. She comes over, and she invites her girlfriends so we can just party and have fun. It was so much fun. Midway through, we're all having sex and she's like, "Do you like guys too?" I'm like, "Yeah." She's like, "All right. I'll invite some guy friends too.”

Which modes of transportation have you had sex in?

I've had sex on a plane. I've definitely had sex in a car. I've blown my Uber and Lyft driver. I've gotten blown in the backseat of an Uber and Lyft. I've had sex on boats. I've never had sex on a subway or train. Wait, I'm trying to think if that's true.

No motorcycle sex?

No motorcycle. It'd be so funny if, not in the motorcycle itself, but that little side seat that they have, if that's where you were doing it.

What language gets you the horniest?

Ooh. It's Spanish. Even though not all Spanish accents are created equal, and I think some are sexier than others, but I like Spanish. I like Italian. I think there's such a very sexy vibe to those languages that I find very hot.

Host or travel?

Well, if I'm in New York, I prefer to host because I have my setup. I like to get throat-fucked, so I'll do blindfold and then have my head over the bed. I leave the door unlocked, and I fucking love that dynamic, which you can only do while you're hosting, but obviously in foreign countries, travel, because I want to see where people live and I'd prefer to not have people to my hotel. I'd much rather see where people live, and what the deal is and what their dynamic is, which is not in my English-speaking hotel.

Uber or Lyft for an out-of-town hookup?

Whatever is cheaper.