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The marrying kind

For gay and lesbian couples, asking and answering the question, "Will you marry me?" has become one of the most political exchanges possible. In today's political and social climate it seems like everyone and their uncle has an opinion about our right to marry.
The fact is, gays and lesbians have been saying "I do" and forming healthy, long-term, committed relationships for centuries, all without the help and approval from the state, let alone the so-called Family Research Council. Same-sex couples have managed to find and keep love in spite of countless obstacles and without a marriage licence.
As Andrew Sullivan wrote in the book "Same-Sex Marriage: Pro and Con," "In the political, moral, and social debate about same-sex marriage, it's all too easy to forget the human dimension. This is not, after all, a debate about whether, for the first time ever, lesbians and gay men are to have long-term relationships. They already do. Same-sex marriage exists in life; it simply doesn't exist in law."
Which is why it's so galling that Britney Spears can trip out of a wedding chapel in Vegas and automatically have access to over 1,300 rights that two men who have been together 40 years are denied.
Of course, since our relationships aren't legally recognized yet in Michigan, then why have a commitment ceremony or a wedding at all? For one thing, it can be expensive if you're planning a big party. It can be emotionally difficult if friends or family you've invited won't support you. It can also be incredibly scary – after all, promising to love and care for someone forever is really big stuff.
The answer is, in short, because our relationships have value. Our love has value. It isn't just about shacking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but about creating and nurturing a family. When we stand before our friends and family and declare our love and commitment to our partners we not only reject the idea that we're not a family, we cement the idea that we are.
While the anti-gay right actively works to curtail our legal and civil rights there is always one thing they can't legislate: love. There is power in commitment, both personally and politically. And the battle over marriage is one we will ultimately win. But it will take a while.
As Rosie O'Donnel told HRC's Equality magazine earlier this year, "This is the beginning of a very long road. And it takes time. The civil rights movement is not something you can measure in a matter of days or months. It is still going on. I think as we evolve as people, we will become more and more inclusive of others who, we think, are not like ourselves."
In the meantime, for those of you who are thinking of celebrating your love, we congratulate you. In BTL's 5th Annual Commitment Ceremony and Wedding Guide you'll find stories from clergy touched by the same-sex couples they've blessed, you'll find a good start to the quest for the perfect ring, you'll find a marriage road map detailing where you can go on your trip for legal recognition, and you'll read why it is so important to take steps to protect yourself and your partner in times of medical emergency.
There is so much that is not offered to LGBT couples by society, and yet so many of our relationships thrive anyway. Just as family life can be rewarding and wonderful, it can be hard, it can be frustrating, and it can be exhausting. But what is there worth having that isn't? Love makes a family, and when it comes to family values we have them in spades.
And when it comes down to it, our families aren't much different from anybody else's. As Toronto Star columnist Linwood Barclay put it, "I'm not exactly sure what a homosexual lifestyle is, but I think it involves getting up in the morning, fighting traffic, going to work, dealing with stupid bosses, going home, making dinner, watching some TV, falling into bed exhausted, and getting up the next day and doing it all over again. In other words, it's sort of like everybody else's lifestyle."

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